I wrote two blog posts recently just for men. The second one, entitled “The Overly Accommodating Male,” addresses an underrated dynamic: men who cede too much power in their romantic relationships. Men who, in their desire to please or to prove they’re “enlightened” (read: not Neanderthals), go out of their way to let the woman they love have the first, second, and final say in the relationship.
This sexual dynamic has occurred throughout history, but it has never been as prevalent as it is today. The introduction of the New Age sensitive guy, the rise in single motherhood and father-absent homes, an educational system dominated by women, and a feminist movement that insists men are unnecessary or evil all contribute to men rejecting their manhood.
After I published those posts, I received countless emails and read many comments from men who identified “100%” with what I wrote and who said “I used to be that guy” until they learned the hard way. Men who are overly accommodating get burned, particularly if they’ve married a woman who prides herself on being “empowered” or who has absorbed feminist messages about American women’s so-called oppression.
Liam Hemsworth is a great example. Miley Cyrus brought with her a thousand warnings and red flags as to what kind of wife she’d be. A committed feminist, her views and her music made it very clear that she, not he, would always come first and that she wasn’t even “hetero” — yet Hemsworth married her anyway.
Talk about accommodating!
Of course that’s an extreme example, most women are not Miley Cyrus. But many women do pride themselves on the arrogant concept of “girl power” and have been groomed to believe men (and society) owe them. As a result, they aren’t kind or conciliatory toward men. They’re entitled and demanding.
A woman I know was recently lamenting her adult son’s choice to shelve his career plans to suit the needs and desires of the woman in his life. This is an extremely common phenomenon today — and in many cases, a huge mistake.
In the past, women followed the man’s career, for good reason: the chances of the woman being out of the workforce for a period of time were huge. It made perfect sense for her to tailor her life around motherhood if having children was part of the plan. That all changed when feminists came along to insist that a woman following a man’s career path amounts to oppression.
Despite the absurdity of this worldview, many men cowed in response to the idea, only to discover later on that the woman they love does want to curtail her career plans after all once the children come along. Or she doesn’t curtail them and winds up frustrated and miserable. Either way, his willingness to put her career plans ahead of his is likely something he’ll kick himself for later.
That’s just one example — there are many others. But at the end of the day, men need to stop suppressing their true identities and bending over backwards for women thinking it will win them brownie points. It won’t.
Be a kind man and a good man, always. But don’t be so passive and accommodating. It’s okay to make some demands of your own. It’s okay to say no to a woman. It’s okay to speak your mind. It’s okay for you to be empowered, too.
Women are doing just fine.
Suzanne Venker (@SuzanneVenker) is a contributor to the Washington Examiner’s Beltway Confidential blog. She is an author, columnist, and radio host. Her newest book, “WOMEN WHO WIN at Love: How to Build a Relationship That Lasts,” will be published in October 2019. Suzanne’s website is www.suzannevenker.com.
