FOUR BIMBOS
Washington (2-1) at Dallas (3-0), 4:15 p.m.: The Redskins are playing well, but they have less of a chance of beating Dallas than President Bush has of explaining what the hell has happened to the nation’s financial system or coloring in between the lines.
Philadelphia (2-1) at Chicago (1-2), 8:15 p.m.: Chicago’s doctors should pre-fit Kyle Orton for a gurney because the Eagles will be blitzing the second they touch down at O’Hare.
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Baltimore (2-0) at Pittsburgh (2-1), Monday, 8:30 p.m.: While Joe Flacco making his first career road start in Pittsburgh on a Monday night certainly is scary, the Ravens are fairly healthy and the Steelers are more banged up than Cedric Benson during the offseason.
THREE BIMBOS
Atlanta (2-1) at Carolina (2-1), 1 p.m.: The Falcons have reached their win quota for the season, but can really hurt their draft positioning if they find a way to upset the Panthers.
San Francisco (2-1) at New Orleans (1-2), 1 p.m.: San Francisco quarterback J.T. O’Sullivan went from hobo to fantasy stud in two weeks, but Reggie Bush is happier to see the 49ers on his schedule than NBA players having the All-Star Game in Las Vegas.
Green Bay (2-1) at Tampa Bay (2-1), 1 p.m.: Brian Griese might be a better quarterback than Jeff Garcia, but Garcia leads the team in ability to hide receding hairline with a ball cap and beauty of wife.
TWO BIMBOS
Houston (0-2) at Jacksonville (1-2), 1 p.m.: Running back Steve Slaton has moved into the starting lineup for the Texans, but Maryland coach Ralph Friedgen still stands by his decision to withdraw his scholarship offer.
Arizona (2-1) at New York Jets (1-2), 1 p.m.: For one day only, Giants Stadium will be renamed Jurassic Park as former MVP’s Kurt Warner and Brett Favre square off. Depends will commemorate the game by distributing free adult diapers and cases of Ensure to the first 15,000 fans.
Minnesota (1-2) at Tennessee (3-0), 1 p.m.: Gus Frerotte against Kerry Collins sounds like a great quarterback duel in 1996. In 2008, it sounds like a recipe for lots of field goals and betting on the under.
ONE BIMBO
Buffalo (3-0) at St. Louis (0-3), 1 p.m.: The Bills haven’t been this good since Thurman Thomas used to misplace his helmet between offensive series and Scott Norwood was more to the right than Newt Gingrich.
San Diego (1-2) at Oakland (1-2), 1 p.m.: After the game, Raiders defensive coordinator Rob Ryan — friend of owner Al Davis — will again say he isn’t trying to get coach Lane Kiffin fired, despite opting to play defense with just eight players.
Cleveland (0-3) at Cincinnati (0-3), 1 p.m.: The Browns’ Romeo Crennel and the Bengals’ Marvin Lewis begin the race to see which coach gets fired first.
Denver (3-0) at Kansas City (0-3), 1 p.m.: For Chiefs coach Herman Edwards, choosing between Damon Huard or Tyler Thigpen to start at quarterback is like deciding between a glass of sour milk or a pint of flat beer. Either way, you lose and feel sick after it’s over.
