Wednesday, the Federal Communications Commission is scheduled to release the full text of their Restoring Internet Freedom Order, which is slated for a vote on Dec. 14. As is typical for any pro-market tech reform, the hot takes on the issue have been astoundingly alarmist.

The New York Times “objectively” told us who the winners and losers are: “FCC Plans Net Neutrality Plan in Victory for Telecoms.” The Washington Post gave us a vision of a dystopian technological future: “FCC plan would give Internet providers power to choose the sites customers see and use.” And Popular Mechanics went into full-blown screeching mode: “FCC is Revving Up to Destroy the Internet as We Know It.”