Ruth Westheimer, best known as Dr. Ruth, is an orphan of the Holocaust, a veteran of Israel’s 1948 war for independence, and America’s best known sex therapist. This week, the 81-year-old was in Washington in her newest capacity as the city’s secretary of love and relationships, challenged to loosen up Washingtonians a bit. In a conversation with The Examiner, Westheimer shared how an abiding faith has inspired her life’s pursuits.
Do you consider yourself to be of a specific faith?
I’m very Jewish, and I do go to temple — not every single week, but I do go. And I certainly believe that part of my being able to talk so openly about issues of sexuality is because I’m Jewish, and because in the Talmud it says that a lesson taught with humor is a lesson retained — I’ve been able to use that. In addition, in the Jewish tradition, sex has never been considered a sin. Sex has always been considered an obligation and a good deed between husband and wife. So my being so steeped in the Jewish tradition has helped me speak so openly about sex.
I appreciate, too, the Jewish attitude toward family. In Judaism, everyone is supposed to be married. Everyone is supposed to have children. That certainly gave me strength, since I was an orphan at the age of 10, to know that I needed a family. And now my husband has passed away, but I have two children and four grandchildren, and my grandchildren are the best. Write that down — my grandchildren are the best.
People often find faith and God to be unwelcome intrusions upon sex and romance. In what ways can spirituality enhance romance?
Part of that I could not answer, because it would need a theological answer, and I’m not a theologian. I am a therapist — two feet on the ground. But when I think about spirituality, what I think of mainly is a desire of what is called “tikun olam,” which is a Jewish term that means to repair the world. That is, for me, spirituality. That is, for me, to be a religious person — that you want to do something to make this world a better place. And if you know that you have done something good, you are more inclined to be sexually responsive.
What is the most surprising thing that the Jewish faith can teach us about sex?
The most surprising thing is that the rules and regulations are very specific — the husband has an obligation to provide sexual satisfaction to his wife. And the importance of family life — the importance of Friday evening meals, the importance of observing the Sabbath so that it’s really consecrated to family and relationships — not to do any work. And sex is not considered work — it is considered an obligation and a pleasure.
Did anyone or any event especially influence the path you’ve followed in life?
To learn to speak so openly, that took some time. And I would not have thought — I came from an Orthodox Jewish background and I would never have thought that I’d talk about issues of sexuality so openly. It happened because of my training. I was very fortunate — I was very well trained in psychology at the Sorbonne in Paris, and I received a master’s in sociology, and a doctorate in the study of family. If I had to single out one person, it would be [pioneer sex therapist] Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan at the Cornell University Medical Center, with whom I worked for seven years. Then, I was fortunate because I got into radio, but NBC Radio found me through her program.
At your core, what is one of your defining beliefs?
I believe in the goodness of human beings, despite the fact that I came out of World War II as an orphan of the Holocaust.
-Leah Fabel
