Here are the highlights from Obama’s monologue at the dinner.

5. CNN’s plane coverage

I am happy to be here, even though I am a little jet-lagged from my trip to Malaysia. The lengths we have to go to get CNN coverage these days. I think they’re still searching for their table.

4. MSNBC’s low ratings

MSNBC is here. They’re a little overwhelmed. They’ve never seen an audience this big before.

3. Between two ferns

Before I get started, can we get the new presidential setup out here?

(Aides bring out two ferns and place one on each side of him.)

 It has worked before. That’s more like it.

2. Receiving letters from struggling Americans

Just yesterday, I read a heartbreaking letter — you know I get letters from folks from around the country. Every day I get 10 that I read — this one got to me. A Virginia man who’s been stuck in the same part-time job for years, no respect from his boss, no chance to get ahead. I really wish Eric Cantor would stop writing me. You can just pick up the phone, Eric.

1. John Boehner’s skin color

And I’m feeling sorry — believe it or not — for the Speaker of the House, as well. These days, the House Republicans actually give John Boehner a harder time than they give me, which means orange really is the new black.