Everyone wants to know who will be Donald Trump’s vice-presidential candidate. Saturday’s “Cold Open” featured announcer Darrell Hammond as Trump, who, before meeting with Chris Christie to discuss the selection, attempted to convince people he was the inspiration for Iron Man, while posting as his publicist, Joey Pepperoni. Christie had been waiting for two hours.
Christie is among those Trump has selected to help him with his selection, since he needs someone “experienced, loyal, strong.” Christie tried to suggest several times that it could be him.
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One “strong option” was suggested as primary rival, Jeb Bush, before Christie and Trump laughed at the obvious joke. An actual suggestion was Carly Fiorina, “also an outsider who ran a very unsuccessful business.” Trump dismissed that she would help him with his “woman problem,” since “she’s a B cup.”
Christie also tried to suggest Marco Rubio, “a guy from a swing state, Florida, he’s half-Hispanic, with a proven track record of standing up for himself.” Trump initially thought he meant George Zimmerman, to Christie’s horror. Trump can’t ask Rubio though “until his parents sign a release form.”
One very eager suggestion was for Bruce Springsteen, since he and Trump are both “the Boss” and Springsteen was “born to run.” Christie did have a small outburst on being reminded Springsteen is a Democrat.
Trump asked about Kasich, who upon learning said no, called “a loser, a big fat loser.” Paul Ryan said “not right now, but he will see you in hell.” As Trump expressed frustration, Christie attempted one last time to throw his name out there, as soothing music played in the background.
“If I may be so bold, sir, I think anyone who didn’t want to be your veep would be a damn fool. You’re such a special candidate, that maybe, just maybe, the person you’ve been looking for this whole time is standing in this room right now,” Christie appealed. Trump agreed with him, and then called in Ben Carson, who was standing in the hallway, to be his running mate.
