[caption id=”attachment_84621″ align=”aligncenter” width=”1024″]AP Photo/Susan Walsh
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Thank you for contacting Amazon.com customer service. For quality assurance and training purposes, your call may be monitored or recorded. . . . For problems with order tracking, delivery or return, press 4 . . . To help us assist you as quickly as possible, please have your order number ready. We will connect you to the next available agent. Thank you for holding.
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“Amazon customer service, this is Jay.”
“Hi, Jay. I’m trying to return an item that was shipped to me — it’s a book, but it’s the wrong book — and the Internet chat person I just talked to referred me to this number.”
“Really? What was the representative’s name?”
“Jay, I believe.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“OK. Can you give me the order number of your purchase, please?”
“Yes, it’s 110-XXXX . . .”
“Alright, give me just a sec. . . . It looks here like you bought a copy of Hard Choices by Hillary Clinton, is that correct?”
“Correct.”
“And the book you received was something else?”
“That’s right.”
“What’s the book you received?”
“The Audacity of Hope.”
“Why would you want to return that?”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s a great read.”
“Yeah, but I ordered –”
“Hard Choices was widely panned on Amazon. It has a star rating of 2.7. Do you know what star rating The Audacity of Hope has?”
“What?”
“A solid 4.”
“That’s great. But you see, I ordered Hard Choices because I want to read up before the next presidential election.”
“Reading that tedious memoir isn’t gonna help you decide jack . . .”
“Excuse me?”
“Look, how about this: How about you just keep The Audacity of Hope, I’ll ship you that copy of Hard Choices you ordered, and after you read both, you decide which is better.”
“You don’t want me to return the book I received, but you will ship me the one I ordered?”
“Yes.”
“Uhh, OK.”
“Great. Now, because this is a special order, I’m going to have to refer you to a different representative. Hold just a moment, please.”
“Wait, Jay ——-”
Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep.
“Amazon customer service, this is Josh. How can I help you today?”
“[expletive]”
—
Jay Carney has taken a position to be Amazon’s senior vice president for Worldwide Corporate Affairs, POLITICO reports. Presumably the job will not include service on Amazon’s customer helpline.
Carney will leave his role with CNN as an on-air political analyst to focus fully on the new gig.
