#SMH Fridays, Week of June 21

Welcome to #SMH Fridays! Obviously, that’s Internet speak for “shaking my head” Fridays, but you already knew that.
 Here at Red Alert Politics we spend entirely too much time on the internet and some of the things that we see out there are just absolutely astonishing/mind-blowing/horrifying/disgusting/trendy/weird/insert any adjective here. As such, we have decided to start #SMH Fridays as a way to share those stories with you.

In this weekly series, our staff members will share their favorite “That’s So Internet” story in this post, along with their unfiltered commentary. Here’s last week’s edition for the gist of what it’s all about. Enjoy!

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Ashley Dobson

What would the free world do without Courtney Love?

Thank God we don’t have to find out because she miraculously survived being held hostage in Baghdad-like conditions during the Paris Uber Strike Thursday.

Love documented the harrowing adventure on Twitter and Instagram, bravely calling on her followers and famous friends like Kanye West and France’s President François Hollande.

Luckily, she escaped thanks to her money and brilliant ideas.

Guess Love will only be eating Freedom fries from now on…

Meghan Keenan

I enjoy listening to Taylor Swift’s music as much as the next basic white girl, but I am really over her crusade against online music streaming services.

Swift announced this week that her latest album, 1989, will now be available on Apple Music when the streaming service launches on June 30.

Less than a week ago, Swift made headlines when she told the company that she would be withholding her album from Apple Music. In a note/tumblr post (“Dear Apple, Love Taylor”), she criticized the company for offering a 3 month free trial of the new service.

“We don’t ask you for free iPhones,” Swift wrote. “Please don’t ask us to provide you with our music for no compensation.”

Apple quickly responded by announcing that they will pay 0.2 cent in royalties for each song that is streamed to users for free, which was enough to earn Taylor’s blessing.

Swift withdrew her music from Spotify last year over similar concerns that “music should not be free.”

Spotify’s payout range is between $0.006 and $0.0084 per stream, but it seems like Swift was doing just fine, earning at least $280k for her song “Shake it Off” after just seven weeks on Spotify.

Unfortunately, artists who are less well-known than TSwift probably can’t afford to pull their music from streaming services to make a statement.

Sorry for being a hater.

Ryan James Girdusky

Piers Morgan read my piece on June 19th about how he was trying to make the tragic shooting in Charleston about himself. He sent out a tweet about how no one outside America would believe in my opinion.

Morgan’s fans sent me over 100 hate tweets and emails, mostly from people in the U.K.

So here is a list of my favorite hate tweets from gun control supporters.

Was that a threat?

ONLY MY MOM CALLS ME A PLONKER!

Luckily a quick Google search gave me this list from Buzzfeed.

My first name is Ryan, not James. So it’s “Ryan Dumbass Moron” to you!

Yes, liberty really means being able to call yourself black even when you’re a white woman.

I didn’t know you could be born and raised in New York City and be a redneck. Glad to pave the way.

Yes Piers, please keep going and don’t stop till you’ve left the colonies.

Tell me how you really feel.

The Indians, South Africans, and Irish didn’t have guns but it didn’t stop the Brits from shooting them.

I didn’t drive till I was 20, but I supported your right to obtain a license.

All of exes have told me they were trying to save me from own stupidity too.

Probably, I don’t usually try to change the law to fit my life.

And I have one more to share because it was my favorite.

#Merica!

Morgan Chalfant

I discovered something this week: Hillary Clinton really wants to have dinner with me.

In her latest attempt to appear relatable, the Democratic presidential candidate baited supporters (which I am not, of course) with the prospect of winning two plane tickets — one for a select guest — accommodations and a meal with Hillary “somewhere on the campaign trail.” How tasty.

“Are you free for dinner?” read an email sent by HILLARY HERSELF on Monday alerting potential donors of the contest. “I’d love for you to join me — the campaign is flying out a grassroots supporter and a guest to meet me for a meal.”

Interested parties were invited to sign up between June 22 and 25 for a chance to win, no contribution required (which is rather surprising coming from the $300,000 speech artist, but, hey, she’s a woman of the people now).

“I’m looking forward to sitting down for dinner with supporters like you,” Hillary continued in the message Monday, attempting to shake that veil of distrust. “I want to hear about the problems your family faces, and what I might be able to do to make things a little easier.”

I, of course, did not take the bait —  it’s not like Hillary wants to have dinner with the press — but that didn’t stop her and her friends from spamming my inbox all week.

On Tuesday, Huma Abedin — longtime Clinton aide and wife to the infamous Anthony Weiner — tried to convince me to care about dinner with Hillary.

“There’s something inspiring about her presence — she’s so warm and so smart,” Abedin wrote. “Sharing a meal with the future President of the United States (knock on wood) is really something you have to experience for yourself.”

Warm? Really? Unsurprisingly, I wasn’t won over, especially because Huma insisted that travel and accommodations were “covered” by the campaign but failed to mention the fact that the winners are responsible for all federal, state and local taxes associated with the $1,900 prize, according to the official rules.

Thanks, but no thanks. But Clinton pressed on.

Barbara Mikulsky, the longest-serving congresswoman in history, sent me an email Wednesday admitting that she “can’t promise crab cakes” at the dinner with Hillary but that the appetizers wouldn’t be “bad” and the conversation would be “unforgettable.”

I DON’T EVEN LIKE CRAB CAKES. Don’t act like you know me, Barbara! Delete.

Hillary didn’t get the hint, becoming desperate by Wednesday’s end and sending an email with the subject line, “Dinner?” which went ignored. Wow, it’s going to be awkward when we run into one another. Luckily, she probably will keep me at an arm’s (or a football field’s) length.

In a final effort, the Clinton campaign — apparently, Hil was done with the personalized messages — sent me an email Thursday with a super sweet graphic reminding me not to “forget” about dinner with Hillary. News flash: I’ve already forgotten about dinner with Hillary! Sheesh.

Alas, it is now June 26 and the dinner deadline has passed. No more emails from Hillary and her friends (womp, womp). I guess that problem is solved.

The next quandary facing me: What’s for dinner? (Not crab cakes).

Maria Santos

My SMH this week is brought to you by “When Jezebel goes too far for even their own readers.”

This week, the intrepid site issued “A Report From the Barricades of The Teen Crop Top Movement,” where they interviewed a 16-year-old who’s been protesting her school’s dress code by bravely wearing bralettes and crop tops to school.

The article is intended to make you proud of this young midriff-baring whippersnapper for standing up to THE PATRIARCHY and SMASHING GENDER NORMS or something. The 16-year-old also wants you to know that she spends “a lot of time on Tumblr” reading about feminism. 

And for once, you should really read the comments, some of which are screenshot below–because even Jezebel readers aren’t ready to equate being asked to wear a freaking shirt to school with gender-based oppression.