Along with the Hillary Clinton campaign’s relaunch rally Saturday on Roosevelt Island in New York City, the Democratic candidate also attempted to reach out to young voters by releasing an official campaign playlist on Spotify earlier that day.
While Clinton quoted the lyrics of “Yesterday” by The Beatles to take a jab at her Republican opponents in her rally speech, her Spotify track list was decidedly more modern.
But despite the playlist’s “official” label, it’s hard to imagine Clinton actually listening to any of these songs.
Song Name: “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” by Kelly Clarkson
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: Hillary is a strong confident woman who has had to fight against the mainstream media and the vast right-wing conspiracy.
What It Really Says: Hillary complains about being a victim about the vast right-wing conspiracy and mainstream media all the time. She has made a longer career of being a victim than Taylor Swift.
Song Name: “Break Free” by Ariana Grande and Zedd
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey:: Hillary is her own woman. She is no longer tied to her husband or the Obama administration.
What It Really Says: Hillary is trying way too hard. Of course she will be tied to Obama and will never be able to connect with young people the way that he did.
Song Name: “Pumpin Blood” by NONONO
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: Hillary is down with alternative rock from Sweden because she’s relaxed, fun, and is exciting enough to get your blood pumping.
What It Really Says: Someone on Hillary’s team has very unique taste in music because there is no way she has ever heard this song before. It hasn’t even cracked the Billboard Top 100 yet. The only time Hillary listens to this song is when she is three sheets to the wind.
Song Name: “Best Day Of My Life” by American Authors
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: Once you elect Hillary everyone will be having the best day of their life.
What It Really Says: Once Hillary gets out of Bill’s shadow, she’ll be having the best day of her life.
Song Name: “Believers” by American Authors
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: Hillary wants you to know that like you she’s a little bit sheltered, a little bit scared, a little nervous, a little jealous, a little slow, and a little bit hurtful and doesn’t want to let it go. Despite being a little bit angry and a little lonely, she believes things will get better once she is president.
What It Really Says: Why is this a campaign song? Hillary has been all over the world, why is she sheltered? Who is she jealous of? Who is she angry at? This song raises more question than it answers. Also, it reminds us that things will get better, but hasn’t Obama been president for the last seven years? Why is she pretending to be the candidate of change? Whoever picked this song was either hitting a bong when he picked it or has issues with their mother.
Song Name: “The Fighter” by Gym Class Heroes, feat. Ryan Tedder
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: Hillary wants you to know she’s not just doing it for the females or the retail, she’s doing for the kids who are struggling against the odds. She’s not like so many other politicians listening who are isolated in D.C. politics. She understands you because she listens to rap/emo mashups with deep lyrics.
What It Really Says: Yes, Hillary is showing the kids that if you marry the right politician and play identity and gender politics, you too can win and overcome the odds.
Song Name: “Roar” by Katy Perry
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: You’re going to hear Hillary roar for women, immigrants, the LGBT! Down with Patriarchy!
What It Really Says: Hillary has been around for 30 years, she doesn’t really roar as much as she cackles and cries her way through elections.
Song Name: “Happy – From ‘Despicable Me 2′” by Pharrell Williams
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: Hillary makes people happy, unless of course you are a member of the media, a conservative, Bill Clinton in the mid-90s, or an Obama supporter in the 2008 Democratic Primary.
What It Really Says: It might seem crazy what I’m about to say, but no she doesn’t. Most Americans in fact find her untrustworthy. Not to mention this was the most overplayed song of 2014 and possibly caused more car accidents than bad weather conditions.
Song Name: “Let’s Get Loud” by Jennifer Lopez
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: Hillary’s candidacy makes people want to get loud, turn the music up and make you want to do it! (By “do it” they mean elect Hillary…not you know, do it).
What It Really Says: This is the oldest song on the playlist and not the best J.Lo song. In my opinion, they should have picked, “Waiting for Tonight.” It would have worked better because so many people have been waiting for a female president. “Let’s Get Loud” is a fun dance song, but it reminds people that Hillary is an old white woman who is just not a great dancer.
Song Name: “Wake Up Everybody” by John Legend and The Roots
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: The lyrics calls for people to wake up and deal with hatred and poverty. It also asks doctors to make old people well before they die, and builders to build a new land.
What It Really Says: That is a downer. People don’t like to deal with the world. They like to wake up, pop in a Zoloft or a Xanax and watch a Housewives marathon. Hillary’s team should have learned from Obama. You can’t win an election by asking people to help heal the world, you win an election by offering free crap.
Song Name: “Brave” by Sara Bareilles
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: Hillary is amazing. She can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug. She can be an outcast or the backlash of someone’s lack of love, but she has chosen to speak up. She has said what she wanted to say and has been brave. Elect her and we can all be brave together.
What It Really Says: Hillary has either flip flopped or refused to answer on wedge issues. Hillary is brave enough to take perfectly poll-tested opinions after being pushed to the left by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren.
Song Name: “Fighters” by Kris Allen
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: The Hillary camp wants you to raise your fears and remember we were born to fighters and survivors. And Hillary has been through wars like being attacked by the media.
What It Really Says: This song is by one of the least memorable American Idol winners of all time. She couldn’t have picked “A Moment Like This” by Kelly Clarkson or “All American Girl” by Carrie Underwood? And it’s her fifth song on the list about fighting. If Democrats are the party of peace, what the hell are they getting so worked up for? I thought Hillary had it in the bag. Who is she fighting so much? Is it Bill?
Song Name:“Beautiful Day” by Bon Jovi
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: It’s the time in America for Hillary, and it’s the job of progressives to share this beautiful day.
What It Really Says: Nothing says I’m hip with the kids and urban communities like playing a Bon Jovi song written for a Broadway musical.
Song Name: “Vivir Mi Vida” by Marc Anthony
What Hillary’s Team Was Trying to Convey: No better way to finish off a campaign playlist like throwing a bone to identity politics. While not being as ethnic as Elizabeth Warren and Rachel Dolezal, Hilldog likes to get down with the brown, or bronze, or whatever shade they may be.
What It Really Says: Hillary will change the national anthem to a Daddy Yankee song if it means becoming president.
