Dana Carvey reprised his role as Church Lady on “Church Chat” for Saturday Night Live to talk about the presidential race. The match-up is between “a Godless liberal Democrat and Hillary Clinton,” Church Lady noted.
The first guest was introduced as Satan, but turned out to be Ted Cruz. Church Lady quoted John Boehner referring to Cruz as “Lucifer in the flesh,” and doubted that it was God’s plan for Cruz to be called out by “an orange mannequin.” Even Church Lady found Cruz to be “a little preachy.”
Cruz has “been told to go to hell so many times, I think it’s time to finally check it out,” he awkwardly laughed. He was sent off with the Church Lady noting encouragingly “see you in hell!”
Donald Trump, referred to as the “tangerine tornado,” and whom Church Lady almost called the “presumptive Republican divorcee” instead of nominee, also appeared.
Trump assured Church Lady that he is a big church goer, even going “when it’s not church day.”
He noted that all the books in the Bible were “terrific,” and once more called 2 Corinthians, “Corinthians Part 2.” He referenced books not even in the Bible, including 2 Genesis and 2 Furious, which includes the verse “Love thy neighbor as thy self, and like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.” As Trump sees the Bible, Moses said to “always keep the Sabbath huge.” Game of Thrones character Jon Snow also comes back to life.
Church Lady saw Trump as fit to be president since watching an episode of Celebrity Apprentice “where Gary Busey didn’t sell enough pancakes and you just said ‘you’re fired’ and I thought right then and there, give this man the nuclear codes!”
Trump brought his family in, which included Melania, Ivanka, and “just another model,” who is “great energy to have around.”
Church Lady welcomed back Cruz now fully transformed as Satan to be Trump’s running mate. “You’re the first guy who got possessed, and looks better,” mentioned Trump, who also mocked his “weak chins.” Cruz ran away back to hell, where they’re nicer than Trump.
