With the 250th anniversary of American independence just months away, let’s hope the lesson Americans take away from the record-long government shutdown — which disrupted the lives of countless air travelers, food assistance recipients, and federal employees, among others — is that the best way to resolve disagreements in a free society is not through conflict, but by identifying common interests through the exchange of ideas.
Though necessary at times, conflict is not inevitable. Every American, individually, has agency to steer disagreements away from name-calling and rhetorical head-butting. But first, people need to change both their attitudes and their personal behavior.
This can be accomplished in several ways.
Assuming good intentions. This is simple to say, yet hard to practice. We are so often ready to battle other people because we assume they are dishonest, ignorant, or evil. Instead, recognize that it’s possible to have earnest and well-informed, yet differing, opinions on various matters. So, assume good intentions when engaging another person in discussion.
Breaking your “addiction to the binary.” The answers to all our problems will not be found in one political ideology or another. Historian Ken Burns, whose documentary film series The American Revolution debuts this Sunday on PBS, suggests that stories are the most effective way to appreciate the multidimensionality of people and their decisions. Columnist George Will takes this further by saying that, were he dictator, a job he most certainly would not want, the only available course in college would be history. The perspective of history helps us to understand the complexity (and frequently the inconsistency) of people and their decisions.
Checking your premises. Not only should you investigate what you believe and challenge your ideas regularly, but you also should avoid ascribing ideas and beliefs to others based on anything other than their own words. When we place people into mental boxes based on assumption, hearsay, or their personal background or physical appearance, we dehumanize them and stymie meaningful interaction.
Dedicating yourself to personal growth. Some now argue we are experiencing the dawn of the postliterate society, where reading and writing are being made redundant by communication methods that are primarily passive. Artificial intelligence tools are relieving us of the active search for knowledge and can even write persuasively on our behalf based on a few seed words. If we are to have better, fuller, more informed interactions with others, it will be mostly by bringing a patient temperament and offering interesting ideas. These require us to cultivate ourselves not through doomscrolling, but rather through new experiences in both the real world and our own minds.
Engaging with others. During the pandemic, the discussion “salon” had a revival, with people getting together, usually outdoors, to get some face time “IRL” (in real life). As life returned to normal, these mostly fell out of practice. But some people still make an effort to convene such get-togethers, mostly as social visitations without any sort of agenda. These tend to be generally more civil than online conversations because we’re sharing space with others. You don’t have to organize a weekly coffee klatch, but it’s well worth finding opportunities to engage with people outside of your own echo chamber.
Finding some (better) hobbies. Speaking of the pandemic, it seems like 2020 was the first year during which everyone’s sole hobby became politics: namely, the November presidential election. After all, what else could we do? Sports, concerts, and playdates were canceled, but we could still obsess about the news and vent our frustrations on our keyboards. Many of us are still stuck in this rut and need to find some better hobbies.
Getting comfortable with disagreement. As my friend Michael Reitz wrote recently in the Detroit News, “A sad reality in American culture right now is that we’re uncomfortable with disagreement. We encounter a differing opinion, and our instincts are to avoid, dismiss or demonize the other person.” Even in a valuable discussion that involves respectful listening on both sides, the outcome usually will not be that one person experiences an epiphany. Disagreement is still a valid outcome of a conversation well worth having.
IT IS TIME FOR PEACEFUL PROTEST RALLIES AND VIGILS
Hearing others out or holding your tongue. Too many of our interactions today are regarded as winner-take-all contests, from the classic “whataboutism” that deflects and distracts from the subject at hand to failing to listen because you’ve already decided how to respond. Instead of employing rhetorical tricks to score points against those with whom you disagree, treat political conversations as idea exchanges. In short, hear others out and if that fails, hold your tongue.
Americans who want normalcy rather than nastiness have options. While some social media “influencers” will attempt to keep us at odds, don’t take the bait.
Richard Lorenc is president and CEO of Lexandria, an education nonprofit group that seeks to reignite the American spirit through innovative classroom content and tools.
