Free Teddy Roosevelt.
The 26th U.S. president charged up San Juan Hill under gunfire, survived an assassination attempt, hunted big game in Africa and even captured outlaws as a cowboy, but can’t get down the first base line faster than two founding fathers and a stove-top hat?
Bullfeathers, as Teddy would say.
The Washington Nationals may not have been able to avoid an embarrassing 1-6 start, but they need to give the popular mascot race a makeover. Teddy is now 0-7 this year in the fourth inning stretch after a very poor 2006. This poor performance is unworthy of one of our greater presidents. Who died and made Teddy the punk of the Oval Office? Teddy needs a victory as bad as the Nats.
“The real TR was very competitive and would never stand for losing so many times,” notes Gena Rollins, president of the Capital Area Chapter of the Theodore Roosevelt Association. “If he lost at all, he probably would have insisted on an immediate rematch. Plus, he was the only one out of the four presidents … who maintained a vigorous physical exercise regimen while president, doing things like swimming the Potomac in winter, practicing jujitsu, gunning his big horse Bleistein through Rock Creek Park, and of course, having pillow fights with his children. So these modern day defeats are all the more humiliating.”
Hear, hear — Madam President. This man was no teddy bear. However, Teddy the mascot was caught hovering on a high wire in the opener. The second game saw him gain an unfair head start only to start politicking along the box seats. Teddy stopped another day to talk to fans.
Teddy’s fiascos were probably unplanned, but someone has decided it’s funny to turn Teddy into a scapegoat. Why? How about Richard Nixon quitting midrace? Bill Clinton veeringoff to chase the ballgirls? Harry Truman stopping to pick up a buck thrown from the stands?
Teddy’s rivals are legends. George Washington threw a silver dollar across the Potomac River. Abe Lincoln has those long legs as an advantage. However, Thomas Jefferson was better known as an intellectual for goodness sakes.
“It’s absolutely ridiculous,” said Amy Krueger, vice president of the local Teddy club. “Given Jefferson’s reluctance to exert himself beyond sipping Madeira and penning the Declaration, we can immediately cross him off the list. Lincoln must have been fit during his rail-splitting days, but his ungainly physique doesn’t say powerhouse sprinting machine to me. And if you’ve been up pacing all night wondering why [Gen. George] McClellan won’t attack, you’re not going to run your best race. Washington’s really the only one that’s going to give Theodore Roosevelt a run for his money.
“As a life-long baseball fan and an admirer of Theodore Roosevelt from around age nine, I find it difficult to deal with the losing records of both the Nats and the fake TR. Something’s gotta give.”
Bully, bully.
Rick Snider has covered local sports since 1978. Contact him at [email protected].
