Maybe TV executives will figure out the real reason you didn’t watch the critically acclaimed “Lone Star,” a show about a con man polygamist: The name was misleading. You were disappointed it wasn’t actually about Tony Romo. Of course, at this point the Cowboys quarterback probably wishes his season was canceled, too.
Now if we were in charge of a TV network — and think how great TWE TV would be — we would create some shows with a sports bent (and maybe the freaky Mrs. Doubtfire look-alike from the Snickers commercial: “Hellloooo!”). So with that in mind, here’s a synopsis of our fall schedule.
“Fisher, P.I.” » An hourlong drama about a mustachioed Nashville detective named Jeff Fisher who handles every investigation as if he were sacking a quarterback. His benefactor is an eccentric business owner best known for making obscene gestures in public. In the pilot episode, Fisher travels to downtown nightspot Karma Lounge to investigate a bar brawl involving one of his associates, Kenny Britt. Catchphrases include the tongue-in-cheek “I am not going to go into details, but I did talk to people there” and “I don’t wear Hawaiian shirts.”
“Used to Have Guns — Won’t Travel” » This one’s a 30-minute dramedy about an aging spy code-named Agent Zero whose career gets derailed by a gun incident in training. Even though no one gets hurt, Agent Zero becomes a pariah in the spy community and can’t find work elsewhere. Instead, he does odd jobs around the nation’s capital and begrudgingly mentors rising star Agent Two, otherwise known as Jimmy Wall. (Wait. You’re right. That does sound a lot like “Burn Notice.” Maybe this needs some work.)
“The Empire Strikes Back” » A three-night, six-hour miniseries about a young slinger (Cliff Lee Nowalker) who blows up all the hopes of a space Empire by destroying its World Series-conquering machine. Even though the lefty suffers a major defeat that gets out of hand, that won’t prevent the Empire’s Sith Lord Cash Man and Darth Jeter from trying to convert Nowalker to the Dark Side.
