Nothing good ever comes from a text message. Nothing. If the NFL didn’t know this already, it certainly does now.
So here at The Washington Examiner, we decided to put a little context to the role of the text message in the NFL, a code of conduct if you will that the league should consider putting into every rookie contract.
1. Don’t talk to the media via text message » Especially if you plan on sandbagging your own team. You might not be happy with your contract. You might feel disrespected by your general manager and coach because you know you are the best wide receiver in the NFL and deserve to be paid as such even though you’ve only had two 1,000-yard seasons and never caught as many as 70 passes in a year. You might feel like it’s unethical that the team refused to trade you and disappointed you can’t bring some other team down. But don’t send that out via text because then no one will like you. Not that they did anyway.
2. Don’t communicate with your coach only via text message » Look, you did wrong. You threw your jersey and shoulder pads into the crowd, but hey, you probably made some kid’s day. And maybe you said something to your Tom Selleck-lookalike coach with the well-groomed mustache that you shouldn’t have. But don’t make the titanic mistake of apologizing via text message. Be a man. If you can tell him off to his face, you can apologize to his face now that everyone except your team’s owner realizes you’re never going to be the player you were in college.
3. Don’t send pictures of your, cough, cough, to women via text message » Easy, gunslinger. Not everyone wants to see what you’re packing. You are not a 14-year-old girl trying to make the senior captain of the basketball team notice you. You’ve already been noticed. You are famous. You makes lots of money. You are indecisive but decidedly all over ESPN. If she doesn’t want to talk with you, it’s probably because you are a grandfather and she’s not impressed.
