Bureaucrats Gone Wild

Did Dustin Johnson cause his golf ball to move as he stood over it preparing to putt? And when we say “move” we are talking millimeters, by the way. Johnson said he didn’t. An official said okay, then play on. Until a few holes later, when another commissar approached Johnson, who was leading in golf’s toughest tournament by two strokes and said something to the effect of, “Well, we might have been a bit hasty back there. We aren’t sure yet but at the end of your round, we might be penalizing you a stroke.”

He may, or may not, have added, “Have a nice day.”

Now, any golfer would have found this unnerving, to say the least. But in Johnson’s case it could be seen as sadistic. He is one of the better players—and among the biggest hitters—on the tour. But he has a reputation for folding in the big tournaments. Especially the Open. A few years ago, he held the lead at Pebble Beach going into the last round, then went out and shot an 82. Last year, he missed an eagle putt to win and could not make the ball drop for a birdie that would have given him the tie.

But his most memorable flameout in a major occurred in the 2010 PGA Championship at a course called Whistling Straights. He had finished his final round and it appeared he would be in a playoff with Bubba Watson and Martin Kaymer, until the officials ruled that he had grounded his club in a bunker that, in this case, was a sandy spot where spectators had left footprints. (One could have been forgiven for marking it down as a bit of bad groundskeeping and getting on with the shot.)

The penalty dropped Johnson out of the playoff and he went on home to build a reputation as a player who couldn’t get it done and had “off course troubles.” He had issues with drugs. He was suspended. Later, Johnson came back clean with a beautiful fiancée who is the daughter of Wayne Gretzky. He was a star of the second firmament who still needed to win a major, lest he forever be just one of the boys. To win the Open at Oakmont—toughest of the tough—would be the sovereign way for him to bury the past.

And he was working on it until that commissar informed him that his case (his dossier?) was being reviewed and that he might, once again, be done in by a ruling. The people who actually play championship golf for a living—and for all the psychic payoffs that come with it—were outraged. They took to Twitter where the ruling was called “ridiculous” by Rory McIlroy; a “joke” by Jordan Spieth; “laughable” by Rickie Fowler. Strong language for golfers.

But the real thunder came down from on high after the tournament was over and Jack Nicklaus said, “The rules official asked him if the ball moved. He said no. Those greens are so fast anyway, the ball could have moved on its own. That should be the end of it. This is a game of honor.”

This was equivalent to a pronouncement from the Pope and the rules officials may now consider themselves excommunicated and should start looking for other work.

The person who seemed to take it with the most serenity was Dustin Johnson. He kept his head down and played his game while all around him sent their approach shots into bunkers and yanked their six-foot putts. When he stood on the 18th tee he pretty much had the tournament in the bag but still …

So he put his tee shot into the perfect position. Backed off his approach when a fan did something rude. Stood back over the shot and hit a six iron as pure and solid as a Tiffany diamond, then sank the birdie putt. He won by enough that the penalty stoke became meaningless.

We live, it seems, in an age when the bureaucrats who lettered at the University of Kafka are taking over the games and the replay—instant, or otherwise—is all. Tom Brady is put through the inquisition for deflating footballs. Dustin Johnson plays the last third of what is arguably golf’s biggest (and, almost certainly, its toughest) tournament under the possibility of penalty.

Time, maybe, to just let them play and for the monks go back to studying their ancient texts.