Josh Wicks had never been to RFK Stadium Will Call before this evening, yet that’s where he had to go in order to retrieve the ticket left for him earlier this evening by Clyde Simms for D.C. United’s U.S. Open Cup qualifier against FC Dallas. And he laughed at the idea of a pass that would let him visit his old teammates afterward.
We’ll have to see if he has the nerve to head down into the tunnel.
“I love being around any field,” said Wicks. “I actually went to a few Galaxy games while I was in L.A., and it feels real good. I actually had thoughts about whether I should come or not come, but I feel good. It feels really good to be back in this atmosphere. I’m not on field, I’m not the team, but I love soccer. I’ll watch it until I’m old and gray. Being back here lets people know I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth and just given up, and it shows that no matter what setbacks you have or what happens in your life, I’m still going to support the team I played for.”
Plenty has happened to Wicks since he suffered the double-whammy of a right knee and left shoulder injury on the same play against San Jose back on Sept. 27. But the downward spiral actually began six days earlier when Wicks’s mentor, Blast Soccer Club (Calif.) founder Jay Lowry died from complications of Lewy Body Dementia. The man who had made sure to pick up Wicks as a kid for games and practices, in part to keep him from being tempted to get into trouble, was gone. Wicks played the match against the Earthquakes although he didn’t want to, and while his fragile mindset might not have played a part in his injuries, the loss of someone so close didn’t help when Wicks began his downward descent a short time later.
By winter, mired in a long-term recovery plan after a pair of surgeries that often left him unable to sleep and pondering his future as he witnessed yet another sunrise, Wicks started to party more than he was rehabbing from his injuries. He partied with his younger brother out in L.A. He partied back in D.C. as soon as he finished his rehabilitation work at RFK Stadium. He said it was nothing hardcore, but the problem was, it wasn’t the first time he’d been down that path, having already been busted a first time for substance abuse while he was with the Los Angeles Galaxy.
“It was my own demise,” said Wicks. “I’m not expecting anything to be given to me. I’m not expecting anything to be handed to me. As I see it right now, everything I did accomplish or have accomplished or gotten to for my actions that I have caused, it’s yeah, he’s a good athlete. But you can’t just be a good athlete on the field. You have to be a good athlete off the field, in the public eye and all that, and that’s what I wasn’t.”
After ignoring calls all last season from Dan Cronin, who runs the MLS Substance Abuse program, Wicks picked up the phone when Cronin called in January and said he’d do whatever it took to get himself clean. He knew it would also likely to cost him his MLS future.
“I was nowhere, everywhere,” said Wicks. “Some suicidal tendencies, thoughts. I was very depressed, thinking of no success, thinking of a busted success, and not being able to proceed. I was thinking of all the sacrifices that I did make were for nothing, for the fact that I got injured. I was in a space that was a total abyss. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t good for me.”
Wicks checked into treatment in Southern California on Jan. 28, just days before D.C. United opened preseason. By the time he checked out at the end of the first week in April, the team’s goalkeeper needs were plenty sorted out, with Troy Perkins, Bill Hamid and Andrew Quinn. Wicks was released April 16.
“We obviously made a huge commitment with Troy, bringing him back,” said United general manager Dave Kasper, who said league policy prevents him from commenting on anything to do with Wicks and his substance abuse issues. “That, and we spoke a lot in preseason. We were very happy with Bill’s progress, and basically that was the deciding factor with Josh. We’re comfortable with Bill being our second, and then we were happy with Quinn being a developmental keeper so we were set. When Josh got his knee and his shoulder back where he was able to play, that’s when he was released.”
“Personally, I think [the substance abuse] plays a big role,” said Wicks. “Like I said, if you’re not a pillar in the community, if you’re not doing what you should off the field, it doesn’t matter how good you are. It doesn’t matter if you’re somewhat good. If you’re a reserve player, it doesn’t mean anything. If you’re still living like you did as a youngster, it doesn’t hold any weight. Personally, I had an injury that was a bad injury. But at the same time, this isn’t my first time being in trouble. It’s my second time, and that shows a pattern. Personally, for me, the consequences that are because of it, I was fully aware in the process of doing what I did, and I was fully aware of the consequences in treatment, and I think it holds some weight to it. You’re not just going to release a guy because of injury. Granted, you do have a great goalkeeper as it is. They could have still saved me a spot on the bench if was only my injury. It wasn’t, and they comment on it. But I know personally it’s no one’s fault but my own that it holds a lot of weight in the decision.”
On Thursday, a sober Wicks will get up before dawn to trek to Bethesda for a 7 a.m. training with USL2’s Real Maryland, with no promises of what it will hold. He said he’ll play on a men’s league team if he has to.
“The first step is to show myself that I still have it, and then have a great season,” said Wicks. “Get back into it, get back into the swing of things, get back into the game of soccer. I do have a love for the game. I thought I lost it, but I really didn’t. It’s just me in my head telling me what’s wrong with me. I hope to show everybody that it wasn’t just a fluke. It is a lower division, but at the same time, maybe it opens more doors.”
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