Hey, Charm City, we love you. We love your crab cakes. We love “The Wire.” And, even though we finally got a baseball team, we still love your O’s. You’re cute. You’re cuddly. You’re fun.
And it’s fine if you hate us. We understand. We’re big. We’re important. And we know it.
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Just a quick review. Here’s what Baltimore does best — duckpins, lava lamps, and lawn ornaments. Here’s what Washington does best — international relations, federal government and politics.
Oh, and there’s one other thing we do better. Football.
Sure, the teams each have five world championships, but the Redskins have more Hall of Famers, 17-10. A matchup of your best against our best wouldn’t be close.
Yeah, we know you got Johnny Unitas. But we have two Hall of Fame quarterbacks — Sammy Baugh and Sonny Jurgensen. In his day, Sonny was called “the best pure passer in football,” and that era included Ol’ Johnny U.
And imagine this, Sammy Baugh as a backup QB? Who do you have on the bench, Baltimore? Elvis Grbac?
Look at our receivers, Art Monk and Charley Taylor. These guys are so good, we can’t get another Hall of Famer, Bobby Mitchell, on the field. Both 6-foot-3. Both 210 pounds. Both chiseled from stone.
You guys are so lacking at receiver, that you’re splitting a tight end out wide. No offense to the immortal Todd Heap, but that is a joke.
We also have two Hall of Fame running backs, a line full of “Hogs.” How are you gonna stop this irrepressible offensive machine?
On defense, we have storm troopers coming off the edges — Dexter Manley, Wilber Marshall, and Charles Mann — and run stuffers up the middle, Sam Huff and Dave Butz. In the secondary, we have three physical marvels — Ken Houston, Sean Taylor and Darrell Green — and a pit bull, Pat Fisher.
And if it happens to be close, and we need a clutch field goal, who better than Mark Moseley, the only MVP kicker in NFL history? But, hey Baltimore, it’s not going to come down to that.
Prediction: Washington 27,
Baltimore 14.
