Any day now, I expect to see the following advertisement on television — sandwiched between a Jerry Springer episode or a late night “Everybody Loves Raymond” rerun:
“If you or a loved one has been in a bar with Albert Haynesworth or has been at a traffic light with Albert Haynesworth or simply have been within 25 feet of Albert Haynesworth, please call the law offices of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe.”
Haynesworth has become a cottage industry for attorneys. Really, if you ranked the top legal targets among the late-night lawyers the list might be:
• Asbestos
• Drug companies
• Albert Haynesworth
• NFL (see Dallas Super Bowl)
The latest incident for the Haynesworth legal profession happened over the weekend at the W Hotel, where a waitress accused Haynesworth of caressing her breast while trying to pay his bill.
The waitress — perhaps already in contact with her lawyer the minute Haynesworth walked into the bar — said Haynesworth asked whether he could slip his credit card in her blouse to pay his bill, and she nodded her head yes, according to various reports.
Haynesworth then took the opportunity to touch her breast, the waitress told police, who are investigating the incident.
This came after Haynesworth turned himself into police in Fairfax last week on charges of simple assault in connection with an alleged road rage incident.
It is reasonable to assume this waitress will have an attorney ready to take a number and get in line, as will the motorist who said he was assaulted by Haynesworth at the traffic light.
It is a long line.
The Redskins — who suspended Haynesworth for four games at the end of the season for conduct detrimental to the team — are likely in that line as well, with the speculation that the franchise is going to try to get at least some of the $21 million back that Haynesworth was paid before the 2010 season.
Then there’s the Tennessee attorney representing the man Haynesworth allegedly paralyzed in a December 2008 car accident. He told me two months ago, upon Haynesworth’s suspension, “We want to move forward quickly before Haynesworth does something stupid again.”
Too late.
The line includes a Tennessee bank suing Haynesworth for not paying back a $2.38 million loan, his ex-wife charging him with not paying her health insurance or their children’s bills and the exotic dancer who is reportedly suing him for $10 million for allegedly impregnating her.
Here’s a line that I suspect is not very long — the list of NFL teams that would have Haynesworth on their roster. That may be a line of one — the Redskins, and they need to get out of that line today.
Whatever juice the Redskins believe they can get out of Haynesworth, it is not worth the squeezing any longer. He needs to be cut loose now.
Examiner columnist Thom Loverro is the co-host of “The Sports Fix” from noon to 2 p.m. Monday through Friday on ESPN980 and espn980.com. Contact him at [email protected].
