5. Phillies fans » Finally, something Philly fans didn’t want to boo: A 17-year-old fan (moron) being tasered at a game after running onto the field Monday night. Imagine the ovation if the tasered one had been Santa. Or Terrell Owens. We also think this gives Teddy Roosevelt an idea so he could finally win one of those President’s races at Nats Park. Why not? It would liven a stale gag.
4. Big Ben’s evaluation » Yes, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was evaluated at a clinic this past weekend as part of his treatment for being a dirtbag. Apparently, they came to a shocking conclusion: He’s a dirtbag.
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3. Carmelo Anthony » Why doesn’t he get more heat for his playoff failures? Seriously, his teams in Denver have lost in the first round in six of his seven seasons. Is he becoming another Tracy McGrady (or a future Kevin Garnett)? Of course, the Wizards have another word for this sort of playoff history: dynasty.
2. The Dez Bryant family » A source close to the situation said what Jeff Ireland really meant to ask was, ‘Does your mom work in a prosthetic store?’ It just sort of came out wrong. But a source close to us says this: Pipe down, all of you. And please go away.
1. Fear the Deer? » It was the Milwaukee Bucks slogan, but it was also probably a common refrain heard in a Milwaukee bar Sunday. Seems two bucks crashed the doors of Stout Ale House as viewers watched the real Bucks lose to the Hawks on TV. Based on the video, and the Game 7 loss, both the bucks and the Bucks were easy to take down.
