This is, of course, offered with tonque firmly placed in cheek:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
Secretary of the Treasury
Attn: Mr. Henry Paulson
Dear Secretary Paulson,
Hi, my name is Michael and I have a problem. As you can see in the above graph, the 7.5 favorite New York Giants lost outright to the Cleveland Browns, leaving me in quite a financial hole and I was hoping that the Federal Government would see fit to bail me out of my predicament and settle up with “my man” Louie “The Hammer”.
You see Sir, I have no means to pay off my debt, as I was in no position to risk the kind of money I did in the first place, but somehow I still managed to accumulate such a large debt.
It all started when I received an email from a “Sports Handicapping Service”, which not only guaranteed that they had the winner in last nights Monday Night Football game, but offered me this “lock” and the opportunity to “Beat My Man”, without any money down, and I only pay them if I win, which, as I stated above, they guaranteed.
What a deal for someone who can’t afford it any other way. How can I refuse!!.
But wait, it gets better, with just one phone call, and NO MONEY down, the sky is the limit with “my man.” Not only did I need to win enough for myself, but I had to cover the Sports Service for their sure thing, can’t lose lock: The New York Giants -7 1/2 points!
So, I admit, I went in a little over my head, and risked more then I could afford, (a lot more actually, since the terms of the deal were so favorable to me), and now I have Louie “The Hammer” calling me to make payment arrangements on my lost investment.
The Sports Handicapping Service, which offered me this great deal, and guaranteed a victory, is not returning my phone calls and now time is running out.
So, if you would Mr. Paulson, please cut me a check and mail it to the address provided.
I really appreciate this “Bookie Bailout” and I hope to do better next time, but I feel confident and secure in the knowing that if I fail, my Government will be there to bail me out!
Thank you!
Michael
Michael Illions
GOPUSA-NJ Conservatives with Attitude!
