Independent candidate Evan McMullin is the real conservative choice for 2016. He’s what Republicans need — a middle-aged religious zealot who never married, a person who has no known scandals, and a background with the CIA and Goldman Sachs. The campaign model is simply: I’ve been saving myself, and now I’m going to save all of you from Trump and Clinton.
McMullin has cited his Mormon faith throughout his campaign and has made LDS adherents his primary voting base in Utah. However, since McMullin is a devoted follower of the religion that forbids sex before marriage, he’s now considered the 40-year old virgin of 2016.
He’s a throwback to country club Republicanism. He’s a man who can find friends among the religious right, Wall Street occupied cocktail parties, and northern Virginian dinners with defense contractors.
Rejecting Trump’s populism and Clinton’s scandals, McMullin’s record and sheets are clean.
A vote for McMullin is a vote for a politician that Americans have missed, one who doesn’t prioritize the forgotten men and women occupying the spaces between Washington D.C.’s politicians and their donors. He’s someone who realizes that the United States’ role in the world is to send farmers’ sons and daughters to die and fighting to topple genocidal dictators thousands of miles away to grant the glorious gift of Jeffersonian Democracy to people that have never asked for it.
Every American man, woman, and child is clamoring for a leader who will spend another decade toppling over regimes from Aleppo to Aden. McMullin is that leader.
Conservatives looking for empire and vulture capitalism haven’t had an advocate since Republicans nominated Donald Trump, an orange, flamboyant billionaire with the worst combover hair.
McMullin is the anti-Trump from his policies to his bald head.
Unlike the current Republican nominee, McMullin is an advocate for unbridled free trade. It’s a winning issue that he’s poll-tested in Fairfax County and $10,000 per plate fundraising dinners. No one has a bad thing to say about it.
It’s time Republicans come home to a man like McMullin whose brand of conservatism was so good under the Bush administration: military adventurism, mass immigration, and trade agreements that put workers in Ohio in direct competition with the cheapest labor on earth.
This lovable 40-year old virgin wants to make the White House celibate again — and we all know that’s not going to happen with Bill or Donald running around Pennsylvania Avenue.
