We met in college in 2004. Facebook was only for college students, and Donald Trump was a reality TV show host. Long before Twitter, Instagram, and President Trump, we knew that we would disagree on a lot.
But like millions of people who love our spouses, care for our children, and talk about everyday challenges around the water cooler (virtually, these days), we have a deep, abiding love for each other.
This love doesn’t require complacency. It requires Peter, who has a gay brother, to tell Dustin that he and his Catholic faith hold a “bigoted” position on marriage. It requires Dustin to tell Peter that he is grossly wrong to support legalized abortion.
It also requires a respect for things we don’t understand. Peter is an atheist; Dustin is a devout Catholic. Dustin was abstinent until getting married a month shy of 32 years old; Peter finds that really weird. Peter believes America was founded upon white supremacy and is slowly moving away from that beginning, while Dustin believes that America was imperfectly founded upon principles of liberty.
This friendship requires accountability. Peter was the one person who called Dustin out for violating his Lenten vow in 2015. And Dustin told Peter that watching pornography violated Peter’s knowledge of that industry’s widespread abuse of women.
Perhaps most importantly, it requires respect for how we each work hard so that our personal philosophies have a real, positive impact on the world. Peter is the son of Greek immigrants who went into local politics near his hometown in New Hampshire to make a difference. He directed the Main Street community nonprofit organization for two years in that same town. Dustin went to Washington, D.C., to make a difference and worked in and around the nation’s capital for 10 years in various roles before starting a nonpolitical small business.
But when Peter’s father was dying around the same time his first child was being born, it was Dustin he spoke to on his back porch about his struggles to forgive his father. When Dustin and his wife were traveling by plane to Dustin’s New Hampshire hometown, it was Peter who stayed up late as they arrived at his family’s home for the night and who drove them part of the way early the next morning.
No matter what happens in November, like millions of people with different ideas, we’ll still be friends. Our friendship is based upon real interactions, not listening to the latest tweet outrage or whatever the new political offense of the day is. We put our humanity first, and most importantly, we know that we are each doing our best to live within the values we each hold dear.
The fact is that humanity, free speech, and elections are messy. But they don’t have to be a mess. Being part of the world means getting comfortable with being uncomfortable — breaking down silos so that our common humanity comes to the fore. By avoiding the mess, by creating caricatures instead of detailed pictures of real people, we deny others the opportunity to learn from our gifts and ourselves the opportunity to learn from the gifts of others.
Peter and Dustin want the same outcome: a more just, fairer, and more peaceful world. We vastly disagree on the actions to get there. And we’ll continue to love, fight, and seek to convince each other of how wrong we are because that’s what real people do.
Dustin Siggins and Peter Grigorakakis met at Plymouth State University in New Hampshire. A former political journalist, Siggins is the CEO of the Virginia-based media relations firm Proven Media Solutions. Grigorakakis still lives in New Hampshire and is a former nonprofit manager and director who is now fully employed in taking care of two children.
