Move over, Kwame and Vince – it’s been a rough morning around the D.C. area.
Greater Greater Washington is reporting that D.C. Councilman Tommy Wells, D-Ward 6, long regarded as a Nats-cap-sporting paragon of virtue compared to some of his more infamous colleagues, is the latest elected official to be shamed by revelations of a taxpayer funded “fully-loaded” government vehicle.
The chair of the city’s transportation committee rides high on a leased bicycle, showing off “luxurious features such as high-intensity LED front and rear lighting, a ‘cushy seat with those springy things,’ and handlebar streamers,” the blog reported. Ouch.
And in some disheartening news from Sacramento, local sweetheart Michelle Rhee apparently is suffering the power-hungry whims of her “groomzilla” fiance, Sacto Mayor and former NBA superstar Kevin Johnson. Washingtonians are bewildered, wondering if anyone could be less deserving than Rhee of being cast aside in the wake of someone else’s ambition.
And as if those aren’t bad enough, in College Park, University of Maryland students awoke to the “devastating” news that their favorite Chipotle burrito chain closed up shop, without warning and for no apparent reason.
Terrapin gumshoe Carnitas Chica sniffed out the scoop, saying that the super popular spot seemed “nearly immune from the poor business conditions on the downtown Route 1 strip.”
As it is April 1, concerned citizens may want to do a bit of fact checking before sharing the metro area’s heartbreaking headlines. And then there are the headlines we only wish were April Fools:
