Seattle Mariners hurler James Paxton is what you would call a “monster” only in the statistical sense. First, he’s from Canada, which has a centuries-old ban on literal monsters, first proposed by Sir John Goodfellow in the 19th-century pamphlet “Apologies, Niceties, and Other Best Traits of Common Behaviour.” Second, he has an easygoing mound presence. Case in point: A bald eagle landed on his shoulder during a pregame ceremony last month (a bald eagle!), and he didn’t move. He definitely ducked, but once the animal came to rest, Paxton, 6-foot-4, bent upward to normal human posture and just … stood there. He had his pitching hand (left) tucked into his back pants pocket and didn’t reflexively withdraw it to, I don’t know, wave it around or fling it wildly, the sort of thing a normal person would do if a frigging bald eagle were trying to dig its talons into your shirt. Instead, Paxton stealthily peeked at the creature out of his periphery, as if he were more concerned it was about to steal second base than make him bleed. The thing eventually flew off and grabbed a seat on the grass.
“They were kind of sharp on my back,” Paxton said of the talons, “but I don’t have any scratches, I don’t believe.” Paxton’s ace predecessor in Seattle, Randy Johnson, once killed a bird with a pitch (accidentally, obviously). It’s a new era for baseball-lovers and ornithologists alike in the Emerald City.
Eagle at Twins opener attempts to abduct Mariners pitcher James Paxton pic.twitter.com/pzswZ7HPZu
— Born Salty (@cjzero) April 5, 2018
Now that we’ve demonstrated how James Paxton isn’t an actual monster-person, here is how the term applies in other ways: On Wednesday night, he recorded 16 of his 21 outs via the strikeout. For all you grade-school arithmetic whizzes out there, that’s three strikeouts for every one out on a ball in play—over the course of seven innings. If he would’ve maintained the same pace for the next two innings, he would’ve tied the Major League record for Ks in a game, 20, shared by the Nationals’ Max Scherzer and Roger Clemens. Paxton’s final pitch of the game was a 97-mph heater that whooshed past the bat of Oakland’s Jake Smolinski. That’s the high end of Paxton’s fastball velocity, and he still had it after 105 pitches, 80 of which were thrown for strikes, and 15 of which were thrown for swinging strikeouts (only one was on a called strike). This is a rare level of untouchable.
When Paxton exited the contest, after the top of seventh, Seattle led 2-0. Juan Nicasio came on in relief. He promptly gave up a two-run homer to tie the game, meaning James Paxton, whose strikeout-to-walk ratio in a single night was 16:1 and hadn’t surrendered a run, was no longer what they call “the pitcher of record.” In other words, he was no longer in line for perhaps the dumbest statistic in baseball, the “win.” The A’s went on to win 3-2.
If the Mariners had managed to get back a run in the bottom of the eighth when the score was still tied—two of their best hitters, Nelson Cruz and Mitch Haniger, had opportunities to bat with the bases loaded—Juan Nicasio would’ve become the pitcher of record. Nicasio’s ERA for the game was a cool 18.00, but one walk to Cruz or Haniger, or, even more, one hit by either batter, and Nicasio would’ve been the guy set for the W. Assuming Oakland still would’ve gotten that extra run in the ninth, the morning’s box score could’ve been something like:
SEA 4
OAK 3
WP: Nicasio (2-0), LP: Treinen (1-2), S: Diaz (13)
See, there’s something wrong with that hypothetical but altogether realistic box score. Something really wrong. There’s no James Paxton. It’d be better if it read:
SEA 4
OAK 3
WP: Nicasio (2-0, after blowing a 16-strikeout effort from the bald eagle guy)
but column inches aren’t getting wider this day and age.
This year alone, pitchers A.J. Cole (Washington), Cam Bedrosian (Los Angeles Angels), and Jim Johnson (Angels) have recorded “wins” after surrendering two or more earned runs in a relief appearance lasting an inning or less. Bedrosian’s case happened on Tuesday night, after starter Nick Tropeano staked the Angels to a 2-0 advantage after 6 1/3 innings of shutout baseball. Bedrosian blew it in the top of the ninth. And Justin Upton rescued the game with a walk-off RBI single in the bottom half. It was Bedrosian’s first win of the season—the same number of wins recorded so far by one Nick Tropeano.
That’s not even close to the best, though. For that, we go to April 14, 2014, when Braves starter Ervin Santana fanned 11 Philadelphia Phillies over six innings en route to departing with Atlanta ahead 2-1. They added three insurance runs in the top of the eighth, and Santana looked destined for an easy and deserved “win.” Enter Luis Avilan. The young reliever coughs up a five-spot in the home half, off a two-run single and a three-run homer. Now the Braves trail 6-5. But in the top of the ninth, walk-/home-run-/or strikeout-specialist Dan “It’s Gonna Be Uggly or” Uggla mashes a grand slam to left to put Atlanta back ahead. The away team wins 9-6, and Avilan gets a W.
His season ERA at that point is a cool 13.50. His win total: three.
In a 1919 game between the Cleveland Indians and the then-Philadelphia Athletics, A’s “reliever” Eddie Rommel (he entered in the second) posted this gem:
17 innings pitched, 29 hits, 13 earned runs, 7 strikeouts, 9 walks.
Such a performance can only end in—you guessed it—a W for Rommel. Philly prevailed 18-17.
Indeed, there are some dumb statistics in the game of baseball, but they’re not the ones that try to measure outcomes objectively, like taking into account how often a guy walks (it’s valuable!) or how often a guy’s hard-hit balls are actually put in the air (ground balls don’t leave the ball park very often!) or strikeouts per nine innings (Paxton’s is an American League-leading 14). They’re the ones like rewarding a guy for striking out no batters and walking eight of them with a “win.”
Which is what happened one time to a Boston Red Sox pitcher named Babe Ruth on May 15, 1919, against the Chicago White Sox.