Seattle has suffered from a lot of bad publicity lately: horrendous homelessness problems, intractable traffic congestion, through-the-roof housing prices, and pushback against its radical city council for passing a “head tax” on jobs that was repealed just weeks after its enactment.
But Seattle also is the home of many robust and innovative nonprofit organizations, most notably the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, which is doing extraordinary work worldwide. At the other end of the scale, I’m working with a little nonprofit that hopes to become a national model for similar groups in other states. It received some favorable attention around Father’s Day, and deservedly so.
DADS (Divine Alternatives for Dads Services) is a faith-based 501(c)3 that works to reunite fathers with their children, often after years of separation due to broken families, addictions, crime, and incarceration. DADS’ motto is “Stronger Fathers, Healthier Communities.” Its mission: “To give fathers hope by walking together in supportive community, helping navigate relational and legal barriers which separate them from their children and families.”
In early June I stood up with a couple hundred other men at the DADS annual Fatherhood Banquet to recite a fatherhood pledge. Here’s what we said, in unison:
“I am a man, I am a father.
“My heart is for my children, and my community.
“I have witnessed the destruction of father absence.
“I know I have the power to do something about it.
“So today, I say, enough!
“Today, I, as a man and father, will do something.
“Today, I will work to quench my father thirst.”
The gathering was held at Seattle Pacific University, a private liberal-arts college started by the Free Methodist Church. More than 350 people attended. It was one of the most diverse crowds imaginable: black, white, Latino, Asian, of all ages, economic levels, and educational backgrounds. Ex-CEOs sat next to ex-cons, and Ph.Ds chatted with high-school dropouts. The meal was served family-style with no alcohol, because many that were in the room are recovering alcoholics.
DADS was founded by Marvin and Jeanett Charles nearly 20 years ago. They are perhaps the most inspiring couple I have ever met. Both struggled for decades with drug and alcohol addiction. Marvin’s father abandoned his teenage mother when he was a baby, and he was raised by abusive relatives or in foster homes. He ran away as a young boy and began a life as a drug dealer and pimp. Jeanett was raised by her single father but turned to a life of drugs and prostitution. Both had children in other relationships. But in 1998, after having a child together, they decided to get married and turn their lives around. They became devout Christians and started DADS in their living room in South Seattle. It was a struggle, but they persisted. Their full story is told in a remarkable book, Becoming Dads: A Mission to Restore Absent Fathers (Anyman Publishing, 2016).
In its 20 years of existence, DADS has compiled an impressive track record. Since it began, DADS has helped more than 3,600 fathers and 8,100 children. In a small storefront office in Seattle’s Rainier Valley neighborhood, DADS holds weekly support-group meetings. There were nearly 1,200 visits last year, almost double the number who came in 2016.
Every day, men walk into the DADS office seeking help with child support, parenting plans, case management, and other issues. They may not have been engaged fathers in the past, but they want to be now. The DADS staff act as “system navigators” to help them succeed.
Demand for DADS’ services is growing rapidly. Their total number of client visits was nearly 800 last year, a 43-percent increase over 2016. The number of first-time clients topped 250, a 33-percent increase over the previous year. They do not charge for their services, operating on donations with a small staff and many active volunteers.
Because the average DADS client makes $1,000 more in monthly wages after working with the organization, the group has helped increase child-support payments significantly. DADS estimates that its fathers have saved the state of Washington $2.3 million in 2016 in reduced TANF (Temporary Aid to Needy Families), SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program), and Medicaid payments.
At the banquet, keynote speaker Joanne Harrell, a supporter since the beginning, said: “DADS is a model that works. DADS achieves life-changing results. DADS is part of the solution.”
In addition to reuniting fathers with their children, DADS also provides a unique mentoring program in which some of its clients, including former prisoners and recovering addicts, work with young men to keep them on track.
Mentors can have a profound influence on young people. Having a caring adult around—especially someone who is not one of their parents—can help both boys and girls face the challenges of growing up. Kids may not listen to their mom or dad … but they just might pay attention to a mentor.
I’ve seen that happen, up close and personal. For the last year or so, I’ve been volunteering in the DADS mentoring program at an alternative high school in South Seattle. The mentoring program is called CUBS (Connie’s Urban Brothers), named after the late Connie Jacobsen, who started it nearly 10 year ago with Marvin Charles.
The CUBS program focuses on male students, mostly African Americans, who do not have fathers in their lives due to broken families, addictions, or incarceration. Most of these young men have had serious problems at other schools, including failing grades, disciplinary problems, or expulsion.
The CUBS mentors are an extraordinary group. Most of them took the wrong path at an early age—crime, gangs, drugs, alcohol, arrests, convictions, incarceration. Many were also absentee fathers. But they have turned their lives around and now encourage youths to avoid making the same mistakes they did. These are men of deep faith who believe and trust in God. When they talk, the students listen. Examples:
— Randy W. has been mentoring since the CUBS program began. His son was murdered in a gambling dispute several years ago. Randy led a life of addiction, crime, and incarceration. But he is now straight and sober, and active in his church. “We need to help save the black community,” said Randy. “There are no people better to do it than the people who helped tear it down. That’s all of us—me and all the other guys from DADS.”
— Greg A., who was formerly on “Washington’s Most Wanted” list, ran a drug-distribution house and was nearly killed in a prison knife fight. He is now drug-free and works full-time for a catering company. Every Monday, he and other CUBS volunteers serve a hot breakfast to all the students. The kids fill their plates with eggs, ham, bacon, sausage, hash browns, biscuits, gravy, fruit, or whatever is on the menu. “Using my culinary background, I have the privilege to provide and serve breakfast for the entire school,” Greg said. “We want the students to be hungry for education and not food.”
— Reddics J. was a leader of the Bloods gang in California and did a total of 17 years in prison. But he now runs his own small nonprofit organization, Faith Over Fear, that helps young people find jobs or apply to colleges or vocational schools. When I asked why he’s doing this, he replied: “I do not want to see any more youth do time for simple crimes. I done enough time for all of them. I teach them to do better: Go to work, stay out of jail, raise your family, enjoy life.”
— Will H. was a drug dealer and a pimp for many years, but now works in information technology for Costco, is happily married, and chairs the board of directors of DADS. “My earlier life was drug dealing and prostitution. My own personal integrity was lost. I didn’t know what was right. I didn’t care if I lived or died. But those days are gone.”
Recently the CUBS guys asked me, a novice mentor, to do a presentation to the students. I’m a 72-year-old white guy who grew up in a mostly white suburb (Lake Oswego, Oregon), went to a mostly white college (Dartmouth), worked in a mostly white profession (journalism), joined a mostly white service organization (Rotary), and live in a mostly white community (Mercer Island, Washington).
Since I never had kids of my own, I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just told them what I was like as a teenager: my successes, failures, rewards, and regrets. I said I knew they had far bigger challenges than I’d faced, but they could succeed if they stayed focused and worked hard. When I was done speaking, two of the students came up and said they’d like to talk more and get my advice. I’ve met with them regularly ever since, for lunch or just to hang out. I was named an “Honorary CUB.”
When I asked one student, Larry P., if the CUBS mentors had helped him, he replied: “Yeah, a lot. We hear real good messages. We see that we’ve got lots of options.”
Another student, Keshawn C., said: “It’s empowering. It gives us a chance to have positive role models. CUBS played a big role in reevaluating my life, my direction.”
This spring four of the young men were accepted to HBCUs (Historically Black Colleges and Universities) around the country, and all won scholarships to help pay the costs. After graduation in June, they will become the first members of their families to attend college.
They were all at the DADS Fatherhood Banquet, where they volunteered to help with the event. I’m proud of them all.
In a speech delivered on Father’s Day 2008 at a church on Chicago’s South Side, Barack Obama chastised black fathers. Too many black fathers, he said, are missing from too many lives and too many homes. “They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. We know the statistics—that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and 20 times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems, or run away from home or become teenage parents themselves. And the foundations of our community are weaker because of it.” He got that right.
Obama seems to be an exemplary father, and he could do more to focus on the problem of fatherlessness now that he’s out of office. He should come visit DADS to see an organization that is making a real difference. Our men’s group meets every Wednesday at 9:30 a.m. We’ll save a seat for him.
