Putting Words in the President's Mouth

(1) My opponent, Massachusetts senator John Kerry–or, as I like to think of him, Teddy Kennedy with a designated driver . . .

(2) There are two organizations pushing for change in November–al Qaeda and the Democratic party. And they both have the same message: “We’re going to fix you, America.” On the whole, the terrorists have a more straightforward plan for fixing things. They’re going to blow themselves up. Although, come to think of it, Howard Dean did that.