What world did Norman Rockwell live in?
Have you ever seen the dogs in his paintings? They?re always perfect. They sit calmly with their beloved owners, providing companionship, love and comfort.
Good thing Rockwell never came to my house to paint.
Our dog is a maniac.
Elton the cockapoo is sweet as can be, but that has issues. He is what one behaviorist calls hyper-vigilant.
That?s a nice way of saying he guards the window by barking at passing cars, trucks, people and pets, as well as anything louder than the sound of a feather hitting a cotton ball.
He?s also hardheaded, demanding, high-maintenance, hyper around the grandchildren, a food thief and a bed hog.
Since we adopted Elton as a puppy almost five years ago, I?ve been through three trainers plus the behaviorist I mentioned. I?ve spent countless hours teaching my dog to sit, lie down and wait at the bottom of the stairs till I?m at the top.
I?ve tried collars, including one that sprayed Elton in the face every time he yapped. I recorded CDs with sounds that make Elton bark, then played the sounds again and again to make him immune to the noises. I even considered calling some animal psychic in California who claims to be able to communicate with dogs anywhere (including Pikesville). And still, Elton remains behavior-challenged.
Sounds nuts, no? But if it?s so crazy, then why are there so many dog trainers? The Web site of the Association of Pet Dog Trainers lists 65 in Maryland. The answer can only be one thing: Lots of other people have difficult pets, too.
Let?s face it. Pet ownership can be a rocky business. Dog lovers accept behavior we wouldn?t tolerate in a mate, not to mention that we do things for our dogs we would never do for other humans, even our children. How else can you explain the plastic baggies in the pockets of our coats?
So what are we to do when all efforts fail? When no matter what, the household pet is just a lunatic in a fur coat?
Perhaps one day when our dogs are old, they?ll spend more time sleeping and less time misbehaving. In the meantime, if we get really desperate, there?s always the psychic in California.
Deborah Stone?s column runs every other Thursday. E-mail her at [email protected].
