Fourteen grief-stricken families will each sit down to Thanksgiving dinner today and stare across the table at an empty chair.
Chairs meant for 14 soldiers, troops with Maryland ties, who never again will celebrate another holiday with family and friends. Chairs to honor 13 men and one woman who made the ultimate sacrifice for freedom and love of country.
For Ursula Bowen, the holidays cannot end quickly enough. Her husband, Army Staff Sgt. Collin J. Bowen, died in March after suffering injuries from a roadside bomb attack in Afghanistan.
The pain still stabs deeply eight months after his death, especially at this time of year, she said.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Bowen said, choking back tears. “I’m trying to do as much as I can so time goes by fast. I don’t want to think [about it] a whole lot. It’s just too much.”
For Janice Chance, this holiday will be the first without her eldest son, Marine Capt. Jesse Melton III, who died Sept. 9, also from a roadside bomb in Afghanistan.
Chance and her family are honoring Melton with a display of photos, videos and mementos during their Thanksgiving dinner.
“This will be tough for some of the family, especially my mother, but we’re going to be thankful that for 29 wonderful years, God allowed us to be with Jesse,” Chance said.
A day after most families gather for holiday merriment, Walter and Ipun Dashiell will be attending a viewing of their fallen son, Army Pvt. Charles Yi Barnett, of Bel Air, who died last week in a noncombat-related incident while serving in Iraq. On Saturday, he will be laid to rest, a life cut short at the age of 19.
“There’s no Thanksgiving for us this year,” said Walter Dashiell, Barnett’s stepfather.
Last year at Thanksgiving, 88 Maryland troops had died serving their country in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Collin J. Bowen, 38
It’s an all-too-familiar horror story, as a roadside bomb claimed Bowen’s life on Jan. 2, while he was serving with the Maryland National Guard’s 1st Battalion, 175th Infantry Regiment in Afghanistan.
The Baltimore guardsman did not die in the attack, but the explosion severely burned him, and he died on March 8 at the Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio without regaining consciousness.
“You wish and wait for that second that he may become conscious,” Ursula Bowen said. “It was really hard not being able to give him a hug or a kiss.”
Bowen met her future husband in the classroom; she, a Colombian-born graduate student teaching Spanish at the University of Maryland Baltimore County; he, one of her students. The two married in 2002 and would have celebrated their sixth anniversary Dec. 7.
“He was a determined perfectionist,” Bowen said. “But what I liked most about him was he knew how to be a friend, and he never expected anything in return.”
That generosity has now come back to help ease Bowen’s pain.
When Collin Bowen was in the hospital, friends couldn’t help enough, taking care of their three children and repairing their house after a squirrel wrecked much of the interior.
Friends continue to reach out, offering Ursula Bowen a place at their Thanksgiving tables, even though “I will keep my feelings private, because the reminders are too hard for me.”
Jesse Melton III, 29
Janice Chance, of Owings Mills, is also feeling the effect of her son’s generosity.
Jesse Melton III lived his life as a giving person, but it wasn’t until his death that Chance discovered — through letters and e-mails — just how many lives Melton had affected during his time in the service. Like the fellow Marine who found the love of her life with a little help from Melton; or the woman Melton tutored in English while he was stationed in Hawaii.
“I miss Jesse, and I shed a tear now and then, but I am overcome with joy when I find out all of these things about my son I didn’t know,” said Chance, who added that her faith in God has guided her through the loss.
Today at Thanksgiving dinner, the video montage that played during his funeral and pictures of him serving abroad will be shared. Melton’s younger brother, Joshua, will wear the same gray sweater Jesse wore the last time the family was together for Thanksgiving.
The Chances also will be giving time and donations to a homeless shelter today in honor of their fallen son.
“I think it’s something Jesse would have done,” Chance said.
Charles Yi Barnett, 19
Charles Yi Barnett’s parents still don’t know how their son died in Iraq. Officials at Fort Hood, Texas, where Barnett was stationed, have not provided details.
While most families were planning their dinners, Barnett’s parents were planning their son’s funeral.
“His mother is taking it hard,” Walter Dashiell said. “We’re working through this, but it’s going to be a quiet day at home this Thanksgiving. I think people can understand that.”
His stepfather added that Barnett’s mother objected to him enlisting. “She even chased away two military recruiters who came to the house,” Dashiell said.
Christmas also will be hard for the Dashiells. Barnett’s older brother, Airman 1st Class Jason Barnett, will be recalled to his air base in Wyoming on Dec. 21 at the end of his bereavement leave.
“I think any holiday at this point is going to be heart-wrenching for us,” Dashiell said. “If anything, because of how much Charlie meant to his mother, I think Mother’s Day will be the hardest.”
“He always had a smile on his face,” Jason Barnett said of his brother, who enjoyed sketching fantasy characters.
Charles Barnett’s funeral will take place Saturday. He will be interred at the Bel Air Memorial Gardens.
“As bad as it may seem, I still believe there is a purpose,” Jason Barnett said. “I still believe the military does something good for this country. And Charlie’s death isn’t going to alter that view.”
These videos were shot by Collin Bowen in Afghanistan. The first was shot on Dec. 31 and the second was shot on Jan. 1, two days before his death.
