Demon god Cthulhu seen as possible third-party candidate

Cthulhu was created in 1928 by writer H.P. Lovecraft in a short story called Call of Cthulhu. He is essentially a god, and is commonly depicted as a giant winged beast with tentacles for a beard.

At a time when both parties are looking for alternatives to Clinton and Trump, which both have high negative ratings among voters, a human-run campaign says Cthulhu should be seen as a viable option.

“Cthulhu has been running for the presidency throughout the decades in one form or another. Most Americans think it as a joke,” said Samir al-Azrad, press secretary for Cthulhu for America, in an email interview with the Washington Examiner. “And indeed, in more ‘civilized’ times, humanity has been mostly uninterested in the glory of a Cthulhu-driven apocalypse. But 2016 is turning out to be an excellent year to bring the word of Cthulhu to the masses.”

The Cthulhu movement is aiming to do the same thing Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol is hoping to do with David French: launch a third-party candidate who can provide a refreshing alternative to the two traditional parties.

If picking a candidate viewed as “the lesser evil” feels like a cop-out, Cthulhu represents the greatest evil of all, and does so proudly.

“Third-party candidacies are ascendant as the two major parties put forth the most hated candidates the nation has seen,” al-Azrad said. “We see a path to victory through this wreckage that will finally bring an end to the status quo. And life as we know it.”

Cthulhu for America is an organized entity with a functioning campaign website where people can track all the latest Cthulhu news, buy Cthulhu-related merchandise, or donate to the cause. The campaign currently has 25,100 Twitter followers, and has earned at least one famous endorsement thus far.

Hollywood director Guillermo del Toro, of “Hellboy” and “Pacific Rim” fame, declared his support on Twitter this week for the demon god. He even combined Cthulhu with Trump, creating “Donald Cthrump.”

“We are very happy to accept Guillermo del Toro’s endorsement,” al-Azrad told the Examiner. “Few humans are eager as he to embrace the hidden world around us.”

According to the official press information kit provided by al-Azrad, Cthulhu for America wants to enact a series of new policies, like implementing “equality through insanity,” legalizing human sacrifice, creating “universal health control” (to keep humans healthy under Cthulhu’s reign), “realize America’s global manifest destiny” and “keep climate changing” (Cthulhu is very happy with humans’ overuse of fossil fuels).

Freedom of religion is also an important pillar of the campaign, as the campaign says Cthulhu believes it can convince people to worship him without requiring it.

“[W]e are not about forcing people to believe in our deity-candidate,” he said. “Faith in Cthulhu will come about naturally as he rises from the deep and begins to feed… People are voting for change, and Cthulhu will bring the ultimate change to Washington, D.C.”

Al-Azrad said the campaign feels Cthulhu is much more evil than Trump, and therefore should be getting more press.

“Trump is receiving a lot of press on how evil he is. We find that the media is being far too generous in giving him that honor,” al-Azrad said. “He is a huckster, a flim-flam man, a fraud — but he is not the greatest evil in this race. We challenge Trump’s supposed evil credentials in the strongest terms.”

The campaign has the same level of vitriol for Clinton and Sanders, and thinks that in this age of establishment rejection, it is time for a new force to gain ultimate power.

“It is in this maelstrom of apathy, chaos and corruption that the message of the Cthulhu campaign has taken root,” al-Azrad said. “Many want this unbearable state of political suffocation to end. Who better to do that than a god who will wipe out humanity?”