But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It’s a tchotchke with a pointy hat shattering Shakespeare. Your children will probably love it. But my advice? Three words: Just say gnome. It doesn’t get any more surreal than “Gnomeo and Juliet.” Imagine a G-rated 3-D cartoon mash-up of Shakespearean tragedy and Elton John musical with anthropomorphic garden figurines.
| On screen |
| ‘Gnomeo and Juliet’ |
| 2 out of 5 Stars |
| Vocal stars: Emily Blunt, James McAvoy, Michael Caine, Maggie Smith |
| Director: Kelly Asbury |
| Rated: G |
| Running Time: 84 minutes |
Apparently, somebody did imagine it. They include Disney’s Touchstone Pictures, producer and soundtrack composer Sir Elton, and director Kelly Asbury (“Shrek 2”).
Now, here’s the really crazy part: Even though this kind of piece signals the end of reverence for traditional Western civilization, I think I liked it a little. After years of being subjected to the coarsening of the culture in family films, I’ve finally succumbed to the Hollywood formula. Gradually, it forces ever louder, ever more overstimulating and less innocent, less magical motifs into what is marketed toward your kids.
Today’s fun adventure is filled with the usual snarky one-liners and pop culture references. Sometimes, they are even funny. But “Brokeback Mountain” and ancient Lassie allusions for 7-year-olds? C’mon, really?
Of course, the moviemakers jam in several excuses for adrenaline rushes. You’ve got lawn mower races, bad guy/good guy showdowns, and the ever popular explosion-filled climax — during which every piece of visible intact property is blown to smithereens.
Gnomes in red hats from Mr. Capulet’s back garden feud with the ones in the blue hats in Mrs. Montague’s next door. But, eventually, they are compelled to face the futility of it all after Juliet (voiced by Emily Blunt), daughter of Lord Redbrick (Michael Caine), falls in mutual love with Gnomeo (James McAvoy), son of Lady Bluebury (Maggie Smith).
Ozzy Osbourne, Jason Statham and Dolly Parton also lend their voices to talking ornaments. In order to deal with the iconic play’s thorny ending, double suicide is laughed away as a possibility when a statue of Bill Shakespeare (Patrick Stewart) comes to life as a pretentious dolt.
Great, just what we need. The impudent “Gnomeo and Juliet” will probably be many kids’ first exposure to the greatest writer in history. From it, they learn to mock erudition and dumb down the classics.
