CONVICTED FOR MURDER, PRAISED TERRORISTS — NOW TEACHING AT PENN?

Combine the alleged ongoing mental health crisis with a total lack of preparedness for higher education, or for adult life in general, because the teachers’ unions guarantee mediocrity and intellectual rot from sea to shining sea.

So you have colleges packed with kids taking out massive loans who simply can’t function in a college classroom, despite the ongoing dumbing down of academic standards. Even rampant grade inflation, where A’s and A-minuses are tossed out freely like needles in an Amsterdam hypodermic exchange, can’t mask the fact that Johnny can’t read, can’t write, can’t do math, and as for the hard sciences, fuggedaboudiit.

So Michigan, following the lead of other former bastions of intellectual integrity, has made first-semester freshman year entirely pass-fail, which guarantees an even lower level of engagement and commitment in the classroom than anyone could have imagined.

This wouldn’t matter except for the fact that these young dopes, one day are embracing socialism at the ballot box, and one day at work, assuming anyone will hire them, will be rationing our healthcare.

All of which prompts the question: if you had to employ someone, would you be happier if that person came from Animal House (long-lost Boomer culture) or from the Big House (the nickname of Michigan’s football stadium, the largest arena in the Western Hemisphere, capable of packing in 115,000 illiterates).

I say Animal House.

If you haven’t seen National Lampoon’s Animal House, I feel sorry for you, because it means that you hate fun. But if you have, think back on Faber College, where the sign at the gate proclaims that “Knowledge is good.” (What does it say at Michigan? “Knowledge is optional”?)

Yes, the fraternity known as Animal House was placed on double secret probation (the term with which I threatened my misbehaving sons when they were small). And yes, their collective GPA was just north of zero point zero. But at the same time, they knew a lot of things to which today’s young people have somehow never twigged.

They could weld. Witness the tank they created for the parade scene at the end of the movie.

They could throw great parties and socialize, unlike today’s students, who are so isolated by technology that they don’t know how to date or even leave their dorm rooms to go downstairs and have breakfast.

They could problem-solve as a group, instead of just staring aimlessly into phones.

They could ride horses. Niedermayer may have been a jerk, but he was an excellent equestrian.

They could inspire and motivate one another to take action, even if they sometimes got the facts wrong (“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”)

They ended up with high-paying, meaningful careers, such as that of Senator Blutarsky.

In short, they enjoyed human connection, they succeeded in life, and they had fun.

So if I had to choose, I’d hire a Boomer well before I hired an entitled, self-absorbed, technology-addled, gender-confused, tattoo-ridden, socially inept delicate flower of a Generation Q, or whatever 18-year-olds are called these days.

There comes a point in society where you can no longer drop your standards to match its depressingly low level of achievement and intellect. We aren’t there yet, but we’re getting there fast.

In the meantime, my advice to any 18-year-old who stumbled upon this op-ed and read it all the way to the end: Don’t go to Michigan or any other college, bury yourself in debt, and learn nothing. (Word to the wise: any academic department that has the word “Studies” in it is rampant drivel.)

TRUMP MUST MANDATE HIGH SCHOOL ECONOMICS TO STOP SOCIALISM

Instead, get trained in an AI-proof field, like welding, for example, and you’ll always be in work.

And if you haven’t seen it, watch Animal House. And discover what education, and fun, used to be all about.

Michael Levin is a two-time New York Times bestselling author.