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Morgan Chalfant

Remember when that dude got a Romney/Ryan “R” tattooed on his face ahead of the 2012 election? He’s had two laser treatments since to remove the ink, and as a result, it has become a shadow of its former vibrant self. Does Eric regret supporting Romney? Not exactly, but he won’t support Mitt in 2016 should the former GOP presidential candidate decide to run. One thing he definitely doesn’t regret, though, is the tattoo itself. He may even be open to another one, but he says he wants to focus on gay rights when selecting a candidate. He might even go with a liberal this time. Can you say …

Corinne Clark

So I might be late to the game on this one but this week I learned of the latest youthful phrase the kids appear to be using now that the “YOLO” has died down and “bae” has gone mainstream: “On Fleek”.

Upon first hearing the expression I, as an old person, assumed “fleek” referred to a drug the kids were “on.” Thankfully, a helpful coworker and the wonders of the internet set me straight.  Apparently, “on fleek” is actually a totally hip replacement for the term “on point.” You can bet I’ll be working tirelessly to incorporate this motto into my daily life. (I won’t.)

Chris Deaton 

This is what the world has come to: Glitter bombing the enemy.

INSIDE THE PRANKSTER’S APARTMENT – DAY

A scruffy youth in a v-neck t-shirt and sweats rocks in his office chair. He is surrounded by a mountain of glitter packages and envelopes. He speaks into a corded phone, because millennials still have those and everything.

DAVE

You want revenge against the man who wronged you.
It’s not my job to ask why. Some people want it to protect their family.
Some people want it because they volunteered to DD, and they were payed in vomit
on the back seat of their car.
All I need to know is that this man has wronged you. That’s why I’m here.

“Inception” HORNS PLAY.

DAVE (CONT.)

Not to make right what is wrong — but to make sure …

“Inception” HORN AGAIN.

DAVE (CONT.)

… That you are never …

AND AGAIN. Pan to Dave’s face.

DAVE (CONT.)

… wronged again.

DRAMATIC STRINGED INSTRUMENTS SOUND.

Dave frantically rips open glitter packages, stuffs the glitter into envelopes, scribbles down addresses, sets the envelopes aside, and enters data into a spreadsheet on his computer. The task looks exhausting.

NARRATOR

In a world where hiring a hitman is illegal …

Dave wipes his brow.

NARRATOR (CONT.)

… and we‘re too [bleeping] lazy to take matters into our own hands …
one man is there to help you settle the score.

CUT TO

Dave pacing near his desk while speaking on the corded phone, berating someone on the other end.

DAVE

No, you don’t get to pick the color.
You pay me, I stuff an envelope, and I send it.
That’s how this works!

CUT TO

Dave, absolutely covered in glitter, stuffing more envelopes.

NARRATOR

Dave Franco is …

Dave looks up to the camera

DAVE

Your worst nightmare.
Or part of a supply run for your kid’s art class.

NARRATOR

“The Prankster.” Rated R.

Ashley Dobson

I learned many things on the interwebz this week, including the existence of the “belfie stick.” Apparently the selfie stick phenomenon was not indicative enough of the downfall of man, so there is now a stick you can attach your phone on to help you take a hands-free photo of your butt.

These belfie sticks are such a hot commodity that they are currently sold out and the testimonials on the site that sells them might make you think that in addition to snapping that perfect angle, they also cure cancer. The worst part about just learning about the belfie is that I had, in fact, seen people tweeting about the belfie stick last week, but had assumed that they had simply misspelled “selfie stick.” I thought to myself, “How sad. The people using selfie stick can’t even spell it.”

I think the existence of this item makes me sadder…

Maria Santos

I’m not one for getting riled up about things that “demean the presidency.” The more ridiculous the presidency looks, probably the better. So I want to be clear that that’s not why this is my SMH. But you guys.

GLOZELL is interviewing the president after his State of the Union address. As in,”My Push up Bra will help me get my man.”

Sure, this is the president’s way of showin’ the kids these days that he’s hip to the jive and on fleek (see above) and bae or something or other. But wouldn’t most millennials rather his “most transparent ever” administration stop systematically censoring information on their actions rather than sit down for multiple puff pieces with YouTube stars?

Oh and speaking of questions, they’re already being submitted on social media under #GloZellAsksObama. A sneak peek: