Pokémon Go is the first augmented reality game the streams straight into a player’s phone and allows them to use their real-life location to find and capture Pokémon. It’s ground breaking, promotes fitness, and is destroying the world.
In a little more than a week since the game was launched, it was downloaded to more Android phones than either Tinder or Twitter, according to Business Insider, proving that Gen Y and Gen Z would rather “catch ’em all” than catch chlamydia.
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Players need to explore their neighborhoods to find rare and exotic Pokémon. Parks are hot spots to find pokémon, and this has promoted exercise more efficiently than any government program pushed by Michelle Obama.
My legs are sore from too much pokemon go
— Beefy Doom (@WinnerOfLife7) July 9, 2016
Walked so got damn much last night because this Pokemon GO shit is controlling my life, my legs are sore lmao
— LUIS (@Creedfan2001) July 9, 2016
I’d say today was a productive day. Walked for 2hrs, caught 20 something pokemon & ended up w/ sore legs&feet #PokemonGO
— Yuri Chang (@MissyYuri) July 8, 2016
A game created by tech nerds and financed by capitalists may save the country from rampant obesity. What a time to be alive.
Despite the billions of dollars in new revenue and millions of people who can thank the game for a svelte figure, the game is endangering society.
People have become totally incoherent while playing Pokémon Go. Players have accidentally stumbled upon a dead body, robbers have used the game to lure victims into their traps, and a series of injuries have occurred, caused by players crashing into objects because they were too busy looking at a screen to notice what’s in front of them.
I can’t wait to see how the nanny state plans on policing people walking and catching pokémon.
All these people playing Pokémon Go is changing our culture. At my local park on Friday night, there were literally dozens of people ranging from their mid-20s to early teens fraternizing in the park after hours to play the game.
No one was smoking pot. There was no underage drinking. No one was selling illegal weapons. It was depressing.
When I was kid, the only the reason to be in the park after hours was to get high, get laid, or get into a fight. The park at midnight was as special as church.
Now parks look like this:
Pokemon GO is just insane right now. This is in Central Park. It’s basically been HQ for Pokemon GO. pic.twitter.com/3v2VfEHzNA
— Jonathan Perez (@IGIhosT) July 11, 2016
No more though. Gen Y and Gen Z were already the generations least likely to have sex, get drunk, or do drugs. Now we’ll also be the generation more likely to live in a world created by geeks than the one in front of our faces.
Now get off my lawn.
