Romeo wooed Juliet despite the very real possibility of being stabbed by her cousin. Say what you will about him, but Romeo showed commitment. Young Americans are far less adventurous. Indeed, they are increasingly unwilling to date across political divides.
Whether it be Tristan and Isolde, or Anna Karenina, defying the established order in the name of love has long carried a tragic grandeur in literature. Today, however, data show that few are willing to stand up to their tribe or community in the name of love. Instead, they filter the differences on the dating apps and socially.
According to a new poll, 60% of Americans aged 18 to 29 say it is important that a romantic partner share their political views. Among baby boomers, only one-third feel the same way. Research from 2016 onward shows that roughly 60% of both Democrats and Republicans prefer to marry within their own party. This is a dramatic leap from 1958, when just 33% of Democrats and 25% of Republicans expressed such a preference.
Political polarization is a key culprit. Pew Research Center has documented a steep decline in ideological overlap between the parties over the past decades. Disagreements now hinge on cultural issues and debates over wokeism, abortion, gun rights, immigration, LGBT rights, and climate change — and not over taxation or healthcare.
Americans have always disagreed, often passionately, on issues such as abortion rights or gun control. What’s changed is that political affiliation has become part of social identity. To signal virtue or possession of the moral high ground, people publicly display their political stance on dating profiles or social media. They screen others out without even giving them a chance.
By 2022, Pew found that 62% of women on dating apps said it was important for profiles to include political affiliation. Tinder introduced political stickers and OkCupid added political matching questions, while users have taken it upon themselves to signal their tribe, posting “#BLM” or “He/Him” in their bios.
President Donald Trump seems to be the biggest obstacle for love across the aisle. The American Perspectives Survey conducted by AEI found that 63% of Americans said they would not consider dating someone whose view of the president differed from their own, with women feeling more strongly than men.
The partisan gap is even more striking. Seventy-three percent of Democrats said they would refuse to date someone with different views on Trump, while Republicans were notably more open, with 46% saying they would consider it.
Democratic women were the most adamant in these beliefs. A stunning 79% refuse to date across the Trump divide, compared to 66% of Democratic men. That said, the intensity of feeling mattered greatly. 83% of those with very unfavorable views of Trump and 59% of those with very favorable views would refuse to date someone on the other side, while majorities of those with more moderate opinions remained open to it.
But before we declare the death of cross-partisan love, it is worth noting that the loudest voices are not always the most representative ones.
The AEI survey suggests that, while close to half of liberal Democrats and conservative Republicans said political alignment was important in a partner, only about a quarter of moderate Democrats and Republicans felt the same way. Offline, most couples are far more likely to fight about who does the dishes than over Trump’s policy toward Venezuela.
THE US AND ISRAEL HAVE DIFFERENT OBJECTIVES IN IRAN
Still, for the politically devoted who find themselves on the wrong side of the local ratio, say a Team Trumper in Washington, D.C., where over 90% of voters back Democrats, the math is unforgiving.
Walking the aisle with someone from across the political aisle may require more struggle and strategy than passing a contentious bill through Congress. Happy Valentine’s Day to those behind enemy lines!
