Young men today are demoralized. That’s the conclusion from the Institute for Family Studies’ new report on the state of young men, based on a survey that actually talked to them.
Society isn’t offering young men the pathways to success they once had, but what it is offering — easy access to sports betting, addictive video games, and porn — is leading them from one modern-day hellish environment straight into another one.
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In “America’s Demoralized Men, Part II: Lost Pathways, Greater Struggles,” based on a YouGov survey of 2,000 men ages 18-29, the data paint a dismal picture. Nearly half of young men feel little steady emotional connection to others. Four in 10 have two or fewer close friends, including almost 1 in 10 with none at all. About half agree they don’t belong to anything they’d call a community. Roughly half feel the American dream is out of reach, no matter how hard they work, and nearly three-quarters believe that who you know matters more than ability or effort. Many report feeling like failures (43%), powerless (61%), or insufficient (54%). Loneliness, isolation, and a lack of community are widespread.
These lost pathways — weakened institutions of marriage, work, education, faith, and civic life — have left many young men adrift. Traditional routes to adulthood, responsibility, and belonging have thinned. Prescribed life paths have withered away, and steady employment, especially for non-college graduates, is harder to find. In their place, screens have rushed in as a ready-made escape.
Online gambling, including sports and event betting, has exploded among young men, according to the data. More than half of young men now gamble. Twenty-three percent do so daily, another 12% several times a week, and 21% weekly or less. Video gaming is nearly universal: Only 5% never play. An astonishing 44% play many times a day or more, and another 22% once a day — meaning two-thirds engage at least daily. Pornography use is equally pervasive. Twenty-seven percent watch daily, 16% watch several times a week, and another 26% watch less often. Daily use appears even among married men (21%), regular religious attenders (24%), full-time workers (23%), and students (32%).
Young men themselves are now reporting the costs. Around 2 in 3 regular online gamblers (those betting several times a week or more) say it has caused them at least some emotional distress — mental pain, shame, guilt, or embarrassment — and many acknowledge related problems in relationships, finances, or work. Daily gamblers are far more likely to feel like failures (66% versus 42% overall). Heavy pornography usage tracks with elevated loneliness (43% of the most frequent users feel lonely most or all of the time), depression (36%), and anxiety (29%). Daily porn watchers also report feeling like failures at 63%. Constant gaming correlates with higher loneliness, too.
Many turn to these activities for mastery, adventure, or connection that real life no longer supplies — yet the escape compounds the demoralization. Although video games do have some upsides for social bonding, excessive use leaves too many isolated in a virtual world that consumes much of their time.
Young men are not inherently lazy or deficient. They express strong desires for responsibility, marriage, fatherhood, and good work. The mismatch between those worthy aspirations and today’s precarious opportunity structure produces frustration and stress. Screens offer temporary relief from isolation and powerlessness, but they displace the very relationships, skills, and habits that build a meaningful life.
In short, many young men are entering the world of digital distraction to flee from the difficult reality of formlessness, economic precarity, and an environment that treats them like a nuisance. These digital compulsions only deepen the loneliness, distress, and feelings of failure young men experience.
The good news is that the story is not closed there. The same survey shows the benefits of connection to institutions: Married men, those with degrees or trade credentials, the religious, and those with fuller-time work report less loneliness and more friendships and support. Young men who participated in all-male groups, such as sports teams, in their school years are markedly more likely to have three or more close friends today. A remarkable 84% still say that having ambitious plans for the future describes them at least somewhat well. They have not given up on themselves.
THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS — AND IT’S COMING FOR YOURS
What they need from the rest of us is not scorn or lectures about “toxic masculinity,” but compassion and concrete support. Society must stop treating the struggles of young men as a punchline or an afterthought. We need to rebuild traditional pathways to success: strengthen vocational and trade education that leads to stable, dignified work; promote marriage and responsible fatherhood rather than treating them as optional; revive civic, religious, and community associations that give men places to belong and contribute; and create more all-male spaces for camaraderie, mentoring, and healthy competition. Parents, educators, employers, churches, and policymakers should lean into the guidance, structure, and opportunity they can provide. Young men cannot be left alone to navigate life in a culture that too often pathologizes their aspirations.
Young men today are not the enemy of progress. They are its unfinished business. With renewed pathways and genuine compassion and solidarity, the demoralization of today can give way to the purposeful manhood they already want. The data make clear both the depth of the problem and the direction of the solution. It’s time we acted on both.
Lisa Britton is a contributor to IFS who has written regularly about the issues facing boys and men.