Despite so much liberal screaming, Florida’s new parental rights bill does not ban the word “gay” or any other such jargon in public schools, nor does its ban on “classroom instruction … on sexual orientation or gender identity” extend past the third grade. After third grade, students are simply required to learn about such topics in an “age-appropriate or developmentally appropriate” way — a wise stipulation, considering that 9-year-olds still laugh at fart jokes.

But all the dishonest criticism of the Florida law obscures the real point of contention: So many slacktivists believe that even prepubescent children, still chemically incapable of feeling sexual desire, need to learn such topics as queer theory and two spirits. Still, independent of any traditional or conservative opposition to such tomfoolery is the obvious question of utility that is being ignored even at higher grade levels: Why are we doing all this when we can’t even teach actual sex ed correctly?