A priceless political performance
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But it was Emanuel who emerged as the clear comedic victor, bringing the crowd to its knees with a belly-aching routine.
Here are some of the best one-liners from the current Illinois congressman and one-time Clinton White House aide:
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“I’ve spent more time alone with Bill than Hillary.” –
On his Valentine’s Day aspirations and how the words of Sen. Barack Obama might influence his romantic intentions: “I tell my wife I love her and she says ‘You’re likable enough” … I think I might get lucky and she calls that ‘the audacity of hope.'”
-Back in the Clinton administration, “the words ‘stimulus’ and ‘package’ had a whole different meaning.”
-Explaining his severed middle finger, Emanuel called it “a bris gone horribly wrong.” (Emanuel actually lost it to a meat slicer while an employee at Arby’s as a teenager.)
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Emanuel said Cornyn could “never pass the GOP litmus test for president: Three wives.” But his slogan is: “Broad mind, narrow stance.” -On Fred Thompson: “He had an interesting take on No Child Left Behind: He married one.”-On Rudy Giuliani: “It’s never a good day when you have more ex-wives than supporters.
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On Sen. John McCain’s age: “During the White House Easter egg hunt, he’d be standing at the front porch in his robe, telling the kids to get off his lawn.” –
On Obama’s fundraising prowess (specifically: $32 million in one month): “The only way you could do that is to marry Teresa Heinz.”McConnell, the famously serious minority leader, managed to squeeze off one good punchline. Referring to Obama’s positive press coverage, he said the Democratic race is between a “New York senator who was born in Illinois and an Illinois senator who was apparently born in a manger.”
If only Cornyn had material like that. Following Emanuel, he never had a chance. He opened with a line about starting out as Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison’s purse boy, then zinged the New York Times for selling its table to MoveOn.org at a discount. More Cornyn:
• “I long ago learned the secret of being a guest on Chris Matthews’ show. He eventually has to take a breath, and that’s your chance.”
• Emanuel is the “fourth ranking Democrat in the House – right behind Oprah and Streisand.” And due to his penchant for cursing, “C-Span is running tonight’s show on a 10-second delay.”
• “I should really leave [Hillary Clinton] alone. I’m sorry; I misread that. It’s GIVE her a loan.”
• “I feel right at home tonight. My wife doesn’t laugh at my jokes, either.”
