Tricky Dick is returning to Washington. Can Slick Willie and Ronnie Raygun be far behind?
The Washington Nationals are considering new presidents for their between-innings races next season. The oversized costumed chief executives have been wildly popular with fans. It’s just fun to cheer them on. They could do it several times each game and it would still be fun. Maybe MASN can have a roto-presidents show next season.
First, George Washington and Abe Lincoln must stay. The nation’s two greatest presidents are irreplaceable. The town is named for George, after all.
But Teddy Roosevelt, who hasn’t won a race, and Thomas Jefferson can hit the bricks. If the Nats are smart, they’ll grab a half dozen replacements to rotate.
Richard Nixon is being heavily considered. Wow — there is redemption in the afterlife. A lot of former flower children may enjoy yelling at him. It would be a great choice.
Naturally, everyone is going to say Ronald Reagan is next. What is the fascination with naming everything after Reagan? They already knocked Washington off the National Airport references. I mean, who says Reagan-Washington National Airport? And the biggest post-World War II building downtown is named for Reagan. Now they want a mascot?
OK, if you want Reagan, you have to give me Bill Clinton. Imagine Clinton chasing ballgirls around the field. And the best part is Clinton would probably agree to do it once. How great would that be for Bill to pop out from inside the costume?
What about Jimmy Carter? He could double as a peanuts vendor.
Don’t say George W. Bush. It’s disrespectful to use a sitting president. It would be nice to see Dubya throw out the first pitch next year when baseball finally remembers season openers are supposed to start in the nation’s capital.
Ulysses S. Grant? Something tells me he’d want to ride his horse.
John F. Kennedy would be a natural. The stadium is named after his brother. As an athlete, JFK could probably beat any president in a race.
Dwight Eisenhower is a contender. Come on, everybody likes Ike. He’d get the military support. Five stars on each shoulder definitely trumps weenies like Herbert Hoover and William Taft.
I was thinking about Gerald Ford, but you just know he’d trip at the start. And having Franklin D. Roosevelt in a wheelchair doesn’t seem right, either.
There could even be a First Ladies night contest. Come on, you know you want to see Barbara Bush kick Hillary’s butt. Throw in Jackie O. and Eleanor Roosevelt and it’s a party.
What about presidential pet races? That hound LBJ used to hold by the ears could survive Socks the cat. Like Harry Truman said, “If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.”
My final lineup is Lincoln, Washington, Nixon and Clinton with Reagan on deck and JFK in the bullpen. If only everyday politics was this fun.
Rick Snider has covered local sports for 28 years. Contact him at [email protected].
